The Secret
by asana-marie
Summary: Edward and Bella have a strong relationship that gets threatened when Bella finds out that her vampire lover is cheating on her, but what she doesn't know is that it was an 'agreement' that happened years before she met the Cullens. His secret. OOC AU
1. Interested

**A/N:**

**I now present to you, the improved TS.**

**It's still my first fanfic, it will always be my first fanfic.**

**Disclaimer: For this story, and the many others that I hope to make, Twilight and it's characters don't belong to me. They belong to Stephenie Meyer. I just bend and twist the story for my amusement.**

* * *

**BPOV**

"Something's not right," I kept telling myself.

"_Did anyone show interest in you?" I questioned._

"_Well, yes, Tanya did." He answered smoothly. _

"_Did you show interest back?"_

_He paused, as if searching for the right response. "No."_

"_Edward? Are you sure?"_

_He paused again before grasping my hands with his cold ones and looking deep within my eyes. "Yes, love. I'm sure. She is lacking so many characteristics that only you possess. Besides, if I had any sort of attraction, do you think I would be here with you, on this bed that you so strongly object to?"_

"_I don't know—would you be? How would I know if you would've come back after everything that happened with us?"_

"_Yes, I would have come back. I wouldn't want to leave you again after what happened. I hurt you too much and I apologized. I am still apologizing. I don't think I'll ever stop. I love you and that's all that matters. Tanya, Victoria, no one, is going to get in the way of that."_

"_But Edwa-," he pressed his cold finger against my warm lips_

"_Don't worry about Tanya. I don't want to bring her up again. Go to sleep."_

"Bella, love?" I looked up to see Edward was eyeing me. "What are you thinking about?"

He stared at me with his beautiful topaz eyes. I wanted nothing but to really ask him about the specifics about his past with Tanya. If I brought this matter up, no doubt he would become upset. He didn't want me to talk about it again.

I sighed and shook my head.

There had to be some way to approach this.

"Bella?"

I looked up. He was still staring at me, concern flooding his eyes.

"Sorry, Edward, it's just that I've had a lot of things on my mind lately. It's been bugging me."

"What is it? Tell me."

"It…don't worry about it."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," I smiled reassuringly, hoping he didn't figure me out.

I sighed again before redirecting my attention to my lap where my twiddling fingers sat.

Edward, who I knew was still watching me, shook his head. He knew something was up. I wasn't going to tell him. I needed to get my facts straight before anything. I was always the one to speak my mind, hell, I still am, but I needed to know what I was talking about before I just jump the gun.

I hate to be the pessimist in these types of situations, but I couldn't be optimistic unless I saw how something turned out.

All of a sudden, I felt something cold envelop around my waist. I looked up to see Edward pulling me up to sit on his lap.

"You know, if you wanted me to sit on your lap, you could've asked," I teased.

"I know, but you were deep in thought. I love watching you scrunch up your face, making little folds appear on your forehead. It looks like you're about to figure something difficult out while popping a blood vessel," he sneered.

"Well then, that wouldn't be good, because then you would prey on me."

His smiling face disappeared as he started to frown.

"Sorry, I had to do it."

"No, don't worry. It's just that, I hate living with the fact that I can kill you. It hurts too much to know that with something as effortless as picking you up, I can hurt you."

I reached up and cupped his cheek.

"Even then, I trust you to know that you have the power and the control to stop."

"I don't know. I just worry—" He was forced to stop midsentence when I pressed my lips to his. He needed to think differently. He was a pessimist like me but I knew he had the willpower.

The blood rushed from my head, and I knew if I didn't stop, I would pass out.

I backed away and looked at him.

"You know I hate when you do that."

"Do what?" I asked innocently.

"Try to get me off topic."

"It worked didn't it?"

"Yes, yes it did."

He pressed his cold lips to my forehead. Right when I was about to get my circulation back, the blood went retreated out of my head, and then I saw darkness.

"Bella?"

As faint as it was, I knew whose mouth it came from.

I tried to respond but my voice was gone.

I tried to open my eyes, but they stayed shut and felt numb.

"Bella?"

I felt something cold and hard press to my forehead.

I tried my best to open my eyes. I had to squint the hardest I could and lift each eyelid slowly. As my blurred vision began to clear, Edward came into view.

I blinked a view times and recaptured Edward's eyes in mine. It was then he chuckled.

"What's so funny?" I asked, deeply confused.

"Why is it that every time I kiss you, you seem to pass out on me, Bella?"

I didn't know how to respond to that. He just had that kind of effect on me, and he didn't even know it.

All of a sudden, I was hit with nausea.

I looked up at Edward, who was still looking at me with concerned eyes, and asked, "Edward, can we take a ride somewhere? I feel nauseous and I need some fresh air."

"Sure, anywhere in particular?"

I pondered all the places we could go. We couldn't go to my house because Charlie was off today, and Edward still wasn't allowed to come over. Not like that stopped him from climbing through my window, but no. We needed someplace private. A place we called "ours": the meadow.

"Let's go to our special place."

"We haven't been there lately, come to think of it. How long has it been?"

"I don't even know," I responded, trying to figure out the last time we were there.

While my mind was completely elsewhere, Edward grabbed my hand and gave it a light tug. I came out of my thinking for a short second and followed him out to his Volvo.

Edward drove his car incredibly fast as always. I still didn't get why vampires couldn't drive the normal speed limit. It wouldn't kill to slow down every once and a while.

I turned my head to the window next to me, and my thoughts went back to last night.

"_Did anyone show interest in you?" I questioned._

"_Well, yes, Tanya did," he answered smoothly. _

"_Did you show interest back?"_

_He paused, as if searching for the right response. "No."_

He paused. If he didn't have anything for Tanya he wouldn't have paused. There was no reason why he should've paused. He was lying to me. I felt it. I was sure of myself.

Thought after thought about what he could have done with Tanya seemed to pile into my head. Fear overcame my body as I concluded that this interrogation might cause him to leave me again; and if that was what would happen, I didn't want it. I still hadn't repaired from the first impact. It would make no sense in the world to have my heart in one piece again only to go and get damaged the _same_ way. I felt bad for Edward, I really did. He had done nothing but try to help me through this, but what he doesn't know is that, it's not enough. It will _never be enough_.

I wanted him to cut me open, take my heart out, and just look at the pain he's caused me. As much as it may _seem_ like I am fully repaired and that I had entrusted in him again, the truth of the matter is that I haven't. I still cry every time he leaves to go hunting because I think he will never return to the heart that I had once again opened to him.

"Bella, we're here." I looked up from my seat to see that Edward was standing at my door, his hand awaiting mine to grasp.

I smiled and took it. Immediately after exiting the car, I was swept up bridal style as Edward agilely and swiftly ran up the hill until we reached our destination.

Gently placing me down on my feet, he walked toward the center of the meadow, where the light hit his pale skin, transforming it so it gave the illusion that diamonds were embedded within. His hair—always a dark bronze thanks to the lovely light of Forks—was now two shades lighter.

He turned to look at me and gave me my favorite crooked smile.

"Would you join me, please?" If there was one thing I loved about that man, he was so polite and he always tended to a woman's needs.

"This is going to be difficult," I whispered quietly to myself as I slowly took my first step toward Edward.


	2. Don't Lie to Me

Electricity went through my body; all were nerves.

"Bella, why are you hesitating? Since when do I bite?" Edward said, now laughing. "Get it? Bite, vampire?" Edward still laughed. I did find that funny but anxiety had taken over my body, evacuating any other emotions, I should normally feel. My mind tried to cheer me up somehow.

_Bella, just remember, Edward wouldn't lie. The last time he lied to you was in the forest. I don't think he would try to keep this from you. He said he loved you, remember that. If he loved you, he wouldn't want to keep this from you._

Well, that was the thing. Would he want to keep this from me for _protection_ and not for his own _secrecy_? Thinking this made me confused and it also helped in the development of a headache. I looked up at Edward and let my eyes wander around me. It took me only mere minutes to notice I only two steps from where I was originally.

My eyes found Edward's, only to read confusion.

"Bella, love, what's wrong?" Before I knew it, he was standing in front of me, cupping my cheek. I felt his cold, stiff thumbs wipe the tears that had escaped unnoticed.

_Damn. I really have to work on getting that not to happen._

I stared into his glistening topaz eyes. Worry, fear, and anxiety had filled them.

"Nothing Edward," I replied.

"Bella, if it was nothing, you wouldn't be crying. Please explain this to me."

I shook my head. I really didn't want to do this, but I knew in my heart, that if anything good were to come from this, I had to make them worse. As much as I didn't want to, it was my only option.

"Bella, I know you're lying. Whatever it is, we can work this out. I promise."

I hesitated at first but then just said, "Can we sit down first, please?"

"No problem." I was gently lifted bridal style into the middle of the meadow where Edward once stood, waiting for me. He gently placed me on the wet grass and then plopped down next to me. I continued to gaze at the ground, but from my peripheral vision, I could see that he was staring at me, waiting.

More tears streamed down my eyes as I began to think about what he would say after I said what I said.

_"Bella, I can't take this anymore. It's better if we just stay away from each other."_

_"This is the last time that you'll ever see me again."_

_"I love you, I do, but I can't be with you anymore."_

_"I'm sorry, Bella, but this isn't going to work."_

_"Goodbye, Bella."_

I hadn't noticed I stopped breathing until Edward said, "Bella, breathe."

I cried out loud and Edward could do nothing but pull me into his hold. I snuggled into his bare chest and cried until my tears ducts could no longer produce. When I was finally able to breathe, I dared to take a look at Edward. He was staring at me. All of his features were saddened and I still didn't feel like I had the strength to say what I needed.

"Are you okay?"

I shook my head 'yes', afraid of what my voice sounded like.

"It's getting late, we should take you home."

"No," it sounded hoarse, but I was able to find my voice, "I haven't said to you what I needed to say."

I pushed myself free of his hold and sat up straight, looking him dead on in the eyes. I cleared my throat and mentally prepared myself for what I was about to do.

_You can do it, Bella. Just tell him._

Okay. Here goes nothing. "Edward," I began. I needed to start slow, "I think that…there is something…that you aren't telling me."

Edward furrowed his brow, obviously dumbfounded, at what my words meant.

"I'm afraid I don't understand Bella. What are you trying to say to me?"

I took another deep breath. I would need it because this was going to take longer than I thought.

"I know that there was something that went on between you and…Tanya. I want to know what it is and if you can't tell me…" here come the waterworks, "then you obviously don't love me, and," I swallowed hard and began to gasp for breath again. Emotions that I never wanted to return, returned to me as I finished my thought, "everything you said was a lie."

I watched as his face turned from confused to understanding and from understanding to a spark of anger.

"Bella," he began to laugh, "I told you already, nothing happened between Tanya and me. Now can we please move on! You're still stuck on this factor that I cleared up last night."

He came closer to me to try and kiss me but I backed away.

I was right, he was lying.

"Edward, I know you're lying. You did the same thing last night; I brought it up, you said your answer, then you closed the topic after making your statement heard."

"Bella, this is absurd. I am not lying to you. I had no interest in Tanya."

"You _had_ no interest? So you do have interest in her now?"

"Stop changing up my words."

"I am not changing up your words. I am repeating them. So do you?"

"Hear me out first, okay?"

I fell silent. I guess if it was important he could say it.

He continued, "If I had interest in Tanya, do you think, that I would have used you as some excuse to get away from her? Do you think I would be here, devoting every second of my life to you? Do you think I would have even bothered to be as close to you as I am now? Do you think that I would have loved you the way I do? Do you think I would've gone to the Volturi to have them kill me because I thought you had died?" He took a breath and his tone turned dead with seriousness, "Because I thought the only love of my life was gone from me forever and therefore, I had no reason to live? You have got to be kidding me Bella!"

His questions made me question why I would make a scene out of a situation he said never happened. My answer was simple: all I wanted was for Edward to be truthful with me. I wouldn't judge him or be with stern with him. I just wanted _the truth._

"Okay, Edward. I understand where you are coming from, but how do _I_ know _you_ aren't lying to me? I mean, I recall you saying that you had no choice but to be a good liar."

I was hot. My rage just kept building as he continued to justify the fact that he couldn't just speak the truth.

"Bella, you are the most ridiculous, small-minded girl I met in my life! Why are you testing me? Is this against Edward because I won't make love to you? Huh?"

"I'm small-minded? Just from trying to protect myself from getting hurt, I'm small-minded? This is even more ridiculous than I thought! And to answer your question, no, it isn't some type of conspiracy against you, Edward. I am just trying to figure out why you to lie to me."

"Bella, I am not lying to you! What do I have to do for you to believe me? It seems to me that the only thing I can do right now is be around!"

"And how will I know when you _want_ to be around me Edward? Is it when you just up and leave me? Thinking it'll be another 'clean break'? I think that now is the time to tell you that my heart has yet to repair from the first time you left me! I am still hurting and the pain is still there. And if you think that having Alice hold me 'captive' while you go hunting is going to make me feel better Edward Cullen, you've got it all wrong! I don't need her, I need you and lately," I swallowed. I have a gut feeling that this wasn't going to end well, "and lately you haven't _emotionally _been there for me."

'Mad' wasn't a word that could describe how I was feeling and 'anger' and 'rage' didn't come close. I can't even use the phrase 'pissed the fuck off'. No, no word can even come close to how I was feeling. This whole situation caused my tears to return and they weren't going to stop anytime soon. All I could do at this point was to let my words sink into him and to let my mind digest what the hell just happened.

I watched him as he furrowed his brow once again. He opened his mouth and gave me a response that I sure as hell can't say I wasn't ready for. "Well, if that's how you feel Isabella, I guess he shouldn't be here."

What the hell? Did he just call me Isabella? Now I know that there is some serious issues that are beginning to refold itself.

He continued, "My presence to you meant nothing. As much as I _tried_ to be there for you, I guess trying wasn't hard enough. And you know what? I am truly sorry. You act like I can just cut you open, take your heart out and repair it, but you know what? I can't," _He just said the same thing I was thinking hours ago on the ride here, _"because even if I wanted to, I couldn't because my bloodlust for you is so strong that I might end up killing you in the process."

With that, he got up, and threw on his shirt before speaking to me again. "I need to take you home. It's late."

"No. I don't want you to drive me home. I can walk."

"Bella, I don't want you walking this late at night, especially with all the dangers still lurking around."

"Edward, I don't care. I don't want you to take me home. I said I would walk. You need to just back off and go away."

"Stubborn," he mumbled as he turned and walked with fast strides toward the end of the meadow.

"You're damn right!" I shouted after him.

He turned around to look at me one last time before he shook his head and continued his way down the hill. His muscular form disappearing with every stride.

Before I knew it, he was gone.

The wind started to blow rapidly. I looked up at the uninviting, dark clouds. A storm was here.

The rain came full force, pounding at my face. I dropped to my knees and began to cry all over again. At least my salty tears would blend in with the equally salty rain.

I felt myself lie down on the already wet grass and close my eyes. I thought about the pain I had caused Edward. The pain I had caused myself as well. I felt nothing but stupid at my attempt for him to tell me the truth. And for all I knew, he could've been telling the truth. Who would know besides Edward?

_It's okay. What is done is done. There is no going back now. You did what you thought you needed to do; you said what you thought needed to be said. Just let him cool down and think for a little. He will come to you to tell you the truth. He will come back. Just don't stress the issue too much. You are already stressed and so is he. This little break from each other is what you guys need. He will come to his senses and you will stand strong. You did the right thing. You just sit back, and let him come to you._

But that was the thing: how will I know whether or not he's coming back?

That thought scared the crap out of me as I began to drift off into nothingness.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

**A/N:**

**My favorite rewritten chapter is the next one. :)**

**Hope you enjoyed. You know what to do.  
**


	3. My Heart is Yours

**A/N: **

**I love this chapter. **

**You'll see why.  
**

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

My eyes slowly drifted open and my sleepy haze disappeared. It was morning. I could tell by the bright gray clouds. Even though it was _still_ raining, I have been in Forks long enough to know when it was daybreak.

My clothes were way past their absorbency capacity and were heavy on my frail body as I tried to sit up. I slipped my arms through the corduroy jacket in attempt to lower the amount of weight on my back. I was accident-prone as is and I didn't need the extra weight. I can barely handle my body weight as it was.

Standing up on my feet now, I paced myself as I began my walk to the edge of the meadow. Upon reaching my desired spot, I stopped a few feet short.

_I stood here yesterday. _

I was standing in the exact same position I was when Edward and I had just came to the meadow. This was before our big argument; this was where Edward also stood before he looked at me one last time.

This spot holds moments in Edward's and my relationship that we should _never_ have to endure again. I can't regret my decision for speaking up, because I don't. What I do regret though, is how I came upon the subject. I cried my eyes out for what seemed like hours, worrying him, just to bring up a subject as simple as Tanya. Then when I was finished, I just yelled at him. Basically telling him, he was of no use to me: worthless, if you would call it that. That he hasn't been helpful or supportive, when he has. He has helped me in many ways that no one else could help. He comforted me in my times of need as well as doing something as simple as rocking me to sleep at night.

I owed him in so many ways that I couldn't pay him back for. If anything, I owed him my life, my love, my support.

It still didn't justify the fact that he could sit directly in my face and blatantly lie to me. There was just not a logical enough explanation for that, and there never will be.

I took a deep breath and focused my attention on the awaiting tree-covered, muddy slope. It was time for me to go down. I took each step as gingerly as I could, afraid of what might happen if I were to fall. Edward wasn't here to catch me this time. I needed to be accountable. I would have to be accountable. I grasped tightly to the slick trees in an attempt to keep balance. Slipping a few times, I still maintained to keep balance and not fall flat on my face. It took me what seemed like hours before I reached the bottom of the slope.

Victory surged through me. I actually accomplished something without falling flat on my face. That, indeed, deserved a medal.

My cheerfulness had dissipated when I looked around and didn't see the silver Volvo that was recognizable to me in a second of seeing it. The same feeling of abandonment that I once had been familiar with reappeared; the same pain that deteriorated my insides not too long ago, which badly injured my heart with the Cullen family departure reappeared with a strong force.

My hand instinctively reached to clench the pain, as I looked down the endless road. I couldn't walk this. It was too much, and my house was too far. There is no way in hell.

I retrieved my phone from my pocket and went to 'create message'. I typed an all too familiar number in the 'recipient' box and texted:

_I'm sorry about what happened. Can you pick me up so we can talk about it? I spent the night at the meadow._

Hopefully he would respond. I sat down on the gravel as I awaited the vibration of my phone.

~*~*~

**EPOV**

As if I thought I could walk away without being scolded once, everyone behold, Alice has spoken.

"Why did you do that to her Edward?" she asked, obviously confused of my decision, "Why would you leave her in the meadow overnight?"

I spoke into the receiver, "Alice, she said she was going to walk home. I tried to offer her a ride, but she wouldn't take it. She told me to leave, so I left."

"Idiot," she mumbled.

"I heard that."

"Good," she yelled back, "you deserve to hear what you are because normally Edward, you wouldn't leave her no matter what. All of a sudden, you have a little argument with her, and you listen to her like you have nothing else to do."

"She needed space, Alice, and so did I."

"Okay, then you could have went to your car and stayed there until you saw her appear from the hill, but, no. You had to be dramatic and leave her there to wither away in the heavy rain and freezing temperatures of Forks, to clear your head. That was so smart of you Edward!"

I hated her sarcasm. It always killed a mood.

"Alice, I tried to get her to come with me, she wanted to be stubborn. Oh well. Moving on, can you do me a favor?"

"What is it now Edward? You've been asking of me a lot lately."

"I need another break."

"You sure have been taking a lot of those lately. I am starting to get bored with Bella. All she does is cry when you leave."

_So that must've been what she was talking about. I feel stupid now._

"Well, let her be captive at her own house this time. You do something with Jasper. I know you two haven't had much time together with Bella being there."

"Damn right. Do you know when the last time we—"

"Alice," I interjected, "the last thing I want to hear is that! Now can you please buy me my ticket to Alaska? The help is greatly appreciated."

"Whatever, I'll get your stupid ticket." She mumbled.

"Thank you. I'll be home later. I have a few things to take care of."

"Okay."

I closed my phone shut and threw it in the passenger seat. I had to clear my head and that wasn't something I could do at my house. Especially, with Emmett and Jasper, that was not an option. I need to keep driving and just think.

My phone vibrated in the leather-bound, bucket chair and I lifted it with my right hand. Opened with a swift movement of my thumb, I read the message.

_Edward, I need you. Come back to me. I need to see you. I feel depressed, come and lighten up my mood. You know you want to._

I texted back, my message simple:

_I will see you soon. Don't worry about it. I just need a few hours._

I didn't know what I was going to do or where I was going, but my mind—as much as I objected—was killing me with the excruciating thought of Bella. Whether it was the good times we had, when I kissed her, when I held her, or when I rocked her to sleep at night. Her face was nothing but etched in my memory and as hard as I tried, I couldn't erase it: her big, brown doe eyes, her chocolate semi-curly locks that dropped mid-back, her full pouty, pink lips.

As much as I needed this, I don't think I would be able to ever get her off my mind. I needed to though.

I'll admit to no one but myself that I was a cheater. It wasn't something to be proud of but it was something I needed in my dull life.

Placing my phone back in the passenger's seat I clicked on the radio. Music is a sure way to clear my nerves.

_I'll give you all my life and all my love if you_

_Promise that you'll be here forever_

_I'll give you all of me, I'll give you everything_

_If you'll promise me you'll never leave me_

_What my friends say don't matter_

_You've been right here from the start_

_And I'll get on my knees and give you all of me_

_If you never leave my side because_

_You love me, you complete me_

_You hold my heart in your hands_

_And it's okay, cause I trust that_

_You'll be the best man that you can_

I now fucking hate the radio, and R&B. I can actually see Bella in this song and that was not my intention. If I were to change around some of the lyrics, it would be more relevant, but I can't say it isn't the total opposite of what just happened or what our relationship has become, if it's still alive at this point.

This was supposed to be soothing and premeditating, and now, I can't listen to any genre because something might come on and bite me in the ass.

The radio plays nothing but 'guilty' songs anyway. Our world is just depressed.

My world is crashing down.

~*~*~

I waited.

No response, no vibrations.

I guess I have to walk home. It isn't something that I had in mind in this type of weather, but I would rather walk than sit here for days without food and die of starvation.

I rose up from the hard gravel that had shaped my butt and turned down the never ending road.

Step by step, I walked in fury, frustration, and sadness.

My heart stabbed me with a sharp ache and I instinctively tried to grab it.

My heart, it aches.

It reminded me of a few days ago, when I was listening to music and a song came on. I knew the words and as much as it hurt me to say them, I might as well. What could it do to me now that hasn't been done to me already?

Slowly opening my mouth, I sang in a whisper, "I am finding out that maybe I was wrong," I took a breath, "that I've fallen down and I can't do this alone. Stay with me, this is what I need, please? Sing us a song and we'll sing it back to you." Tears began to stream and I couldn't go no farther after this as I gasped this final line. "We could sing our own, but what would it be without you?"

I cried hard as the rain began to makes its appearance once more.

I didn't figure out I was singing again until I heard what I was saying.

"This heart, it beats, beats for only you. My heart is yours. My heart is yours."

My heart is _his_. It will always be _his_ and nothing, absolutely _nothing_ will change that.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

**A/N:**

**The song Edward listens to is called "You Complete Me" by Keyshia Cole. I thought it fit as a guilt song. The words were the complete opposite.**

**The song Bella is singing is called "My Heart" by Paramore. I liked this song (except for the weird yelling towards the end). It really fit and you can kind of see how this is relevant.**

**As you can also see, Edward did not get Bella's text. Do you know how you get two text messages at the same time, so your phone vibrates only once? And when you open your phone, the first one you see is the second text message? Well this is the case. Tanya's message came in like a millisecond after Bella's was recieved, so Edward only saw Tanya's.**

**Get it?  
**


	4. Sex, Security, and Protection

**BPOV**

I dragged my cold, wet body and my heavy feet up my driveway.

Charlie wasn't home. I guess he was at the station.

I took my time climbing the stairs because I knew if I went any faster, I would probably collapse.

I knew the right remedy for me in this type of situation: a shower.

I needed one anyway. My hair was matted, and the skin under my wet clothes was cold, pale, and wrinkled.

One by one, I threw my articles of clothing to the ground, the weight on my body, decreasing with each piece I tossed. Before long, I stood, naked, relieved and tired.

I walked in the bathroom and flicked the lights on.

My eyes gazed from the tiled floor to sink, and then the tub, which right at this point, looked so appealing to my needs. I stepped with nimble feet on the cold tiles and made my way across to the tub.

I grasped the knobs and adjusted it so the water fell with the hot water I craved. I watched as the steam from the water made its way from the faucet to my face in a matter of seconds and when it hit, I was in bliss.

There was something missing though. I needed something comforting and essential to every bath: bubbles.

I crossed over to the sink and opened the cabinet below to reveal my collection of body washes, shampoos, conditioners, bath bubbles and bath salts. I knelt down and grabbed the freesia bubble bath as well as the matching body salts.

Making my way back to the bath, I sprinkled almost all of the body salts and poured the bubble bath by the faucet.

I watched as the bubbles grew vastly in size as it almost over flooded the tub. I turned the water off and began to climb into the tub. One foot touched the water and I cursed as I noticed the water was too hot.

_I will be neon pink by the time I get out of here._

Taking the risk of getting in the water instead of waiting, I stepped in the tub with my other foot and slowly lied back.

I closed my eyes in pure ecstasy and let the body salts below me do wonders with my body.

I felt the warmth return to my once frigid body as the bubbles exfoliated and lifted dirt.

My pressed myself against the bottom of the tub as I slid down and let the water engulf me.

I opened my eyes in the water and let my gaze take over.

I watched as the bubbles spread open to let me set my gaze on the peeling, lime green paint on the ceiling.

Getting bored, I closed my eyes tightly.

I had to think of something. Anything would do about now.

My mind bombarded me with the good times Edward and I had; I remember a few months ago, when he took me to a kid's park in the moonlight.

_"Edward, why are we in a kid's park at ten at night?"_

_"Because."_

_"As if that answer wasn't vague enough." I rolled my eyes, sarcasm dripping from my tone._

_"Just try to have fun, okay," I pouted. He laughed again before pulling me into his embrace and pressing his lips to mine. I loved it when he did that._

_"Come on," he said breathlessly. I never knew vampires could get breathless. I have some nice effects on him._

_He led me to the swing set, which lightly swung in the steady breeze. I sat down as Edward disappeared behind me._

_"Are you ready?" I jumped at how close he was, but liked how his frosty breath tickled my ears._

_"Yeah." He pushed me lightly and it felt good. It was the perfect speed in the perfect setting. After he pushed me a few times, I came back and nearly fell off the swing. He just tickled me. He fell back, covered in laughter. I got up and crossed my arms over my chest, my mouth in a pout._

_"Babe, don't do that. I was just joking with you."_

_"But you know I hate getting tickled."_

_"And that, my dear, is why I did it. It was unexpected and you didn't see it coming."_

_"I hate you, Edward Cullen." I smiled._

_"Oh really? Don't make me tickle you again."_

_"You wouldn't dare."_

_"Would you like to take me up on that?"_

_"I know you wouldn't do it."_

_"So you say." And before I could even blink, there he was, standing in front of me, lightly carrying me to the ground with him. He tickles were furious and I had no way of escape—he had me pinned to the ground beneath him._

_"Edward, stop!!" I giggled._

_"No, I wouldn't do it, remember?"_

_"Okay, okay, you would do it, now stop."_

_"I'll stop if you don't test me again." A smirk covered his features._

_"O—kay, I promise. Now, stop!" He stopped and I finished the last of my giggles. We stared into each other's eyes, as they both glistened in the moonlight. I pushed my body against his and lifted my head. He caught on and moved closer to me, as we closed the distance between us together. _

I don't know what words can be used to describe it, but it left me breathless and floating on a cloud. It was an everything-in-one-kiss type of kiss. We apologized for everything, we forgave each other for our bad times, and we reconnected all without the use of words. I can clearly say that when we were done, the look in his eyes had changed, and I would guess mine did the same. There was something about that kiss that changed us, and I don't know what it was, but I thought it was something good that made us come closer together. Now, it seems like that kiss broke us apart, in so many ways, it's almost unbearable.

I opened my eyes and almost immediately saw a floating figure above me. I screamed, swallowing the water as I emerged. I looked around and there was no one there.

_What the hell?_

I may be paranoid, but that was no mere image that can be created in my head and be projected realistically. Someone was here.

I quickly scrubbed myself clean and washed my hair so clean I might have a tender scalp tomorrow.

I grabbed the nearest towel and exited the tub, unplugging it so it can drain out.

I exited the bathroom with light feet as I quickly returned to my room. No one was in here. I let my eyes travel across my room for anything that could be out of place and stopped at my window: it was open.

_I never opened that window._

I walked over and looked out before shutting it, locking it, and pulling the shade over it. No one was outside either.

I went through my closet and found my favorite worn out, holed sweatpants. Alice had tried to persuade me in trying to get rid of them but I wouldn't let her. It was my only thing besides my old, oversized t-shirt that kept me connected to my home in Arizona.

Throwing my old tee on as well, I rushed combing through the knots in my hair, before quietly going downstairs. The TV was on when I reached the bottom.

_That wasn't on either._

I closed in on my living room. Peeking around the corner, I saw Charlie sitting in his chair.

_Thank God._

"Hey dad." He turned before smiling at me.

"Oh hey Bells. How are you? I haven't seen you around lately."

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that. Alice has been kidnapping me."

"Alice? Well tell her I said hello."

"Will do. Um, Dad?"

"Yes, Bells." He turned back to me.

"Were you upstairs?"

"Uh, yeah. I went to go see if you were home. I didn't see you in your room, but I opened the window. It was kind of stuffy in there."

"Did you happen to come into the bathroom?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry about that. I thought I left the light on from this morning, so I went to go take it off when I noticed the bubbles. I went to go drain the tub and noticed you were in there."

I blushed.

"You didn't _see_ anything, right?" He turned his attention back to me in horror.

"No!!! I just saw your face before walking out."

_Okay, good. That would definitely be weird._

"Okay." I said turning away.

"Alright, see you tomorrow."

"Okay, Dad."

I removed myself from the living room and made my way to the kitchen. I hadn't eaten all day and I was starving. Not really in the mood to cook something, I pulled out a bowl, some Lucky Charms, and milk. I ate that as I listened to the game playing in the living room. The Redskins were losing to the Dolphins. And if it was one thing I knew, Dad wasn't happy.

I finished eating my cereal and went to the sink and rinsed off everything before sticking them in the dish holder to dry. I glared at the clock on the stove. It read 8:08. It was still early, but I was tired as can be, so I retired to my room for the rest of the night.

My dream when I slept was more like a nightmare. I dreamt over and over about the events of when Edward left the first time and then—as if automatically—Edward's departure yesterday. The images played with a fast pace, as if it was reliving the memories in the exact speed. To top it off, my ears rung with the conversations, as well. I was in the same position, reliving each and every moment as if I were actually there.

I opened my eyes with such force I never thought I could humanely do, gasping. My air was taken from my lungs and my hand once again, found its spot over my heart.

I was sweating bullets and my hair was matted once again. My shirt stuck to me like glue. I ran my hand across my eyes. I was crying. I brought my legs up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them, as if seeking security and protection from this pain. I rocked myself, until my emotions were manageable and faced to turn my clock. The bright red numbers acknowledged that it was eight in the morning. I was still exhausted and lied back down on my wet pillow in an attempt to fall back asleep.

And when it actually did happen, the images and sounds reappeared.

~*~*~

**EPOV**

The flight to Alaska was uneventful as always. Even in first class, I get bored.

The flight attendant wouldn't stop flirting with me. It was ridiculous. She looked ridiculous at her miniscule attempts at trying to woo me. There are only two people that woo me: Bella and Tanya. All the flight attendant did was humiliate herself. I would've laughed in her face but I didn't want to appear rude.

I arrived at a small, desolate home ten minutes after my departure from the airport.

I hadn't even made it to the door without being bombarded by a shrill.

"EDWARRRDDD!!!" Tanya ran up and embraced me. She must've missed me.

"Hey Tanya," I simply responded, looking down at the blonde bombshell.

Her thoughts were usually explicit when I heard them, but not this time. She sounded sincere. That wasn't like her in any way possible.

"_I missed Edward. I really did. I wish he would just come back to me. We both know we can't do without the other, so why does he insist on putting us both in suffering? I want it to be me and him and he knows that. I could show him I loved him in so many other ways than that involuntary human, he so to say "loves", can. I was the one who showed him how I first felt years ago, and I still show him. He obviously keeps coming back."_

Okay, that was enough. I came here for relaxation and release, not for a guilt trip.

I was blind-sighted once again with the sight of Bella and I stiffened. Tanya must've noticed and looked up to meet my eyes with her big and flirtatious ones.

Oh did I miss Tanya. I always wondered what our relationship would be like with just her and me, without Bella. I suppose we would be happy, but I would never know. If anything, Tanya was the only one I was close to loved in this boring, uneventful, immortal life and I wasn't sure if it was just because of the incredible sex or my developing feelings for her. I just wasn't sure.

"I've missed you, Tanya." I felt a smile creep on my face.

"I've missed you too, Edward." She returned the smile.

"Really? How much?" I raised an eyebrow as mischief crossed her face.

"I can show you better than I can tell you."

"Then do show, my love."

She released me and grabbed onto my hand as we scurried into the house.

Let the games begin and round one commence!

~*~*~

I can clearly claim that being the most exciting sex I have ever had.

I stared around the room as I noted everything that was broken: the dresser, the bed, the lamp, the nightstand, the TV, and the bedroom door. In the living room however, there are no surviving pieces of furniture.

I was on the floor with Tanya lying on my chest. She stared absentmindedly out the window as I stared at her. I ogled the shape of her naked body and came to the conclusion that it would be more appealing to use my hand, so I began where my eyes left off with the inside of my thumb.

As my hand was occupied, my mind raced with thoughts of what just happened.

_I knew relaxing and forgetting Bella would be this easy. It always is. I need to come more often though. Last night was exhilarating and breath-taking, which is weird because I really have no use for breathing. I am and still can do all the things with Tanya that I wasn't and still can't do with Bella, not like I'll make love to her anyways. Yes, strawberry blondes aren't my type, brunettes are, but I am willing to excuse Tanya from this. What would I do without her? I would probably be depressed every time I fought with Bella. I had no reason to be depressed when I was with Tanya. It is almost like enlightenment. She always knew the correct ways to lure my mind off of things, especially with her acts of seduction._

Tanya interrupted my train of thought.

"Edward?"

"Yes, Tanya?"

""If you sleep with me every time you come here, why are you still with that fragile human?"

That was a good question. Why was I still with Bella? When I thought it over, it was easy to answer.

"If I leave her, I might be worse than I was before and she wouldn't be able to deal with herself." _That's for damn sure._ "She might try a suicide attempt, also. It may not be like her, but I think she might be willing to make an exception. I wouldn't want that to happen. Charlie and Renee would definitely suffer and then there's the whole protection thing. If I protect her, I feel like I am doing something productive. If she's dead, I'll be bored and I need something to do while I'm alive, don't I?" Tanya chuckled.

"Oh, I see. So it's guilt on both sides, and you don't want to drop her flat on her face. Well, then again she wouldn't need your help to do that would she?" We were both filled with hysterics after that.

_I don't know how I ever left Tanya. She was mysteriously seductive and knew what she wanted and how to get it. I see now how she keeps getting me caught up with her. I don't try to stop her though because deep down, I really want her as bad as she wants me._

I saw Tanya peer up at me with a devilish smile on her face.

"Want another round?"

Oh, hell, yeah!

"Round two, ding, ding, ding."

Right when we were about to 'reconnect' my phone rang.

"Ignore it." Tanya said forcibly putting her lips to mine.

"It might be Alice. You know she won't stop calling."

"She can wait."

I reached for my phone despite Tanya's wishes and paused in shock. When I didn't return the kisses, Tanya looked at me, confused.

"What's wrong? Who is it?"

_Shit. This is not supposed to be happening to me._

"It's…Bella."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

**OoOoOoOoO Edward, shame on you!! You should be ashamed, but your issues are about to get worse.**

**Comment ad subscribe!**


	5. The Phone Call

**BPOV**

Day three without Edward and I still woke up the same way: hair wet and matted, shirt soaked and see-through, and bed sheets wet because of my shirt.

I hated it so much.

He had no idea what he did to me. How he made me feel.

I loved to wake up with his cool arms embracing me. I loved the feel of his sculpted chest under my head. Yeah, it did get uncomfortable at times, but it was worth it to know that he wouldn't leave me at night.

I still questioned if what I did was the right thing.

I was confused, lost, and insecure.

I fought all this week about calling him. _You should. Do it._

Well, I know I should, but would I be able to talk to him? Would he be able to talk to me?

I didn't know. I wanted to know, though.

I withdrew my phone from my nightstand and held it tightly.

Was this the right thing to do?

_Yes. Just do it, Bella._

I flicked the cover of my phone and revealed the number pad. Opening my number pad, I scrolled down to find the number I was looking for, and pressed the 'send' button.

It rang once, and the butterflies overtook my stomach. They fluttered hard and furiously.

It rang again. _Maybe he won't pick up again._

I was about to hang up on the third ring when the phone picked up.

I didn't hear anything but sound. I listened intently as if trying to figure out what it was.

I heard continuous kissing sounds, and a groan?

"Tanya…please." His velvety voice pleaded.

Wait…..did he just say _Tanya_? So he is cheating.

"I told you not to pick up the phone." I heard a woman's voice.

"It was important."

"How is _she_ important?" _Bitch._

"Because, she just is, now can you stop?!" He started getting irritated.

There was a pause on the other end before I heard his voice into the receiver.

"Bella?" I loved the way his melodic voice said my name. It made me feel invincible almost; as if I was floating on air.

He sounded pained. Man, this guy was an actor!

"Bella, please don't cry."

_Why would he ask me if I was crying. His detailed hearing must be messing up. Wait…was I crying?_

I lifted my hand to my face and felt wetness. With two brisk movements, I wiped off any traces of my tears before clearing my throat and speaking into the receiver. "I'm not crying Edward."

"Yes you are. I heard it roll down your cheek."

"Edward, I'm not going to argue with you on whether or not I was crying."

"Okay then. How are you doing?"That fucker. Is he seriously asking me how I'm doing? He knows damn well how I'm doing. He left me before. He should remember how I was.

"Edward, you left me in the meadow, crying and hurt; I sent you a text message, apologizing to you, and asking you to come and pick me up and you ignored it, leaving me to walk home; and I just spent the last three days drenched in my own sweat and tears because I have had nothing but nightmares and you're asking me how I'm doing? Are you fucking kidding me, Edward?"

"She's got quite a mouth for you, babe." Tanya snickered.

"Shut the hell up, slut." I heard a growl emerge from someone I presumed was Tanya. Edward remained quiet.

"Edward, I'm waiting on you." I tried my best to urge him to speak to me.

"Bella, I'm sorry. You asked me to leave you when I offered to take you home. I didn't get a text from you asking for me to pick you up, and I'm sorry you're having nightmares. I can't help you with that."

"Listen here you ass, I sent you a text message, and later when you're not fucking Tanya you can see for yourself. And what do you mean you can't help me with my nightmares? You're the cause of them!"

"I'm the cause of them? How is that Bella?"

I laughed. He asked, "What is so funny?"

"I just find it hilarious that you find yourself not guilty in any of this."

"I didn't _do_ anything, Bella."

"You didn't _do_ anything? I'm having all of these nightmares because you _left_ me in the forest. I'm having nightmares because you _left_ me in the meadow. Do you see the comparison in both of them Edward? Do you?"

It was silent again, so I continued.

"The issue is that you left when you said you wouldn't. You promised me and you broke that by doing the same damn thing you said you wouldn't."

"Bella…I didn't promise you anything."

"Yes, you did! Why are you lying to me? Why are you lying to yourself, Edward? Does it feel good or something?"

"I'm not lying to anyone. I'm telling the truth. I didn't promise you anything and I don't appreciate you calling me and instigating another argument. I left in the first place because I needed to clear my head and-"

"And I suppose Tanya is going to help you do that, Edward? You get a good fuck and your problems are suddenly gone? Wow." I shook my head in disbelief. He seriously was going to sit here and justify what he did wrong?

"Yes she is. In fact, we are talking it out. She really wants to help me."

"That is some bull Edward Cullen. Talking it out doesn't include sex."

"It does in our case."

"What happened to the _'I will never hurt you again?'"_

_"_I never told you that. You seem to make up a lot of stuff, Bella."

"I'm not making it up! You told me you wouldn't hurt me again when we were about to leave Volterra. We were sitting in the lobby of the Volturi's office. I'm not stupid. My mind is not mediocre."

"Your mind _is_ mediocre. You can't even think straight when I kiss you nonetheless stay conscious. I am going insane watching you try and figure yourself out. It's irritating!" He yelled.

"I was not trying to figure _myself_ out; I was trying to figure _us_ out. From the outside looking in, it looked like we were the perfect couple with minimal problems, but on the inside, I knew there was something wrong before I figured it out. You acted so different when I rescued you from the Volturi and I spent months trying to unravel it. The issue is Tanya."

I heard another snicker but before I could call Tanya out, Edward spoke to her. "Tanya, please."

"We are supposed to help and support each other, Edward. That's what a relationship is. That's how it lasts and that's what we did until recently. A problem surfaced itself and you ran away from it instead of us figuring it out together. We weren't a team like we always were." The tears resurfaced at my eyes but instead of feeling sadness, I was filled with anger when the bitch snickered…again.

I have had enough of her!

"Listen Tanya, I don't know what is so funny, but obviously he loves me more than you if all he goes there to do is fuck you. I mean, if you really think he does it out of love, you obviously are too deep into his good looks. It is okay to never move on to someone else but to hover is simply ridiculous on your part." I was pleased with my choice of wording. It made me smile, almost laugh actually. I wanted to go into hysterics when I heard her growl. Then I heard her voice.

"Well obviously he comes here for me because you can't fulfill his needs better than I can. If you even tried I think you would have died by now. He is too much for you to handle. How do think it is on his side, trying to hold back on you when you can't even please him correctly? I doubt you've even had sex with him yet." The last few words went high on pitch. I knew she was smirking.

I tried to think of a comeback, but I couldn't. She was right. I couldn't do all the things that Tanya could do for him, but I knew what I could do for him. I could love him until I am on my deathbed.

I still did love him, even though I should have hated him. I really should have, but I couldn't. I wasn't the one to hate someone for hurting me. I never did have it in me.

"Bella," it was Edward again, his voice a little fierce this time, "I will be back in Forks later tonight. I have a lot to get off of my chest that I cannot say in front of Tanya. I have to go but I will see you at your house soon. Goodbye." He hung up.

That damn Edward. I have a lot to get off my chest too and I guarantee that he won't like it.

I can't wait for him to be here.

Until then, a shower will do me good and I think I should call Alice. I've been ignoring her calls lately.

I arose from my bed and headed to the shower. I needed it and so did my hair.

My shower was short, but in the end I was cleaned of my sweat and tears, and my hair had started to relive. I brushed my teeth and gargled before exiting the bathroom and calling Alice.

The phone rang once before a pixie-like voice answered.

"Bella!! I haven't talked to you in like forever. Why did you keep forwarding my calls?"

"Sorry about that Alice. I've been really down lately."

"I heard. Charlie said you would wake up in the middle of the night screaming."

I didn't know I did that.

"Oh."

"I didn't want to tell you that I foresaw the whole argument and how it went. I wanted you to do this on your own."

"Thanks, Alice. Things kind of went downhill after Edward left. I've been really depressed lately. I didn't think he would steep that low and leave me after he promised he wouldn't. Then what really has had me upset was that he was sleeping with Tanya behind my back to avoid trying to fix all of our problems. I thought he loved me Alice."

"I thought he did too. He seemed so happy every time you came around and when you left he would follow and spend the night with you. I don't even know when the last time he stayed at the house without you was."

"I'm starting to have second thoughts about him Alice. I love him but I don't know what to do anymore. I'm exhausted. It feels like I'm dependant on him for everything, including standing on my own two feet."

"Don't have second thoughts about him. He just needs time to clear his head and get his act together. I've known Edward for a very long time. He will come around. I don't know when, but he will."

"I don't think I can wait for him Alice, but maybe you can talk to him about it. We argue every time we talk now."

"I'm sorry Bella, but I can't. This is an issue between you and Edward. You guys have to solve your own problems. I can't be there to help you guys every time something goes wrong. I tried to get him to go back and pick you up after I found out that he left you in the meadow overnight. He just ignored me and made me buy him his ticket to Alaska." Her voice lowered and it sounded like she was frowning.

"I talked to him this afternoon and he said he would be back in Forks tonight, so we could sit down and talk things out." I didn't want Alice to know how he threatened me.

She didn't deserve to know. Like she said, this was between Edward and me.

"Well, see, this is exactly what you guys need. If you begin to talk about your issues, with time, your relationship _will_ get stronger." If she only knew what was going to happen tonight.

"I know, but I'm nervous as to how this all will go. He seemed beyond mad when he left me in the meadow. I just don't want this meeting to go awry. I don't want to mess up everything we built."

"It'll be fine. You won't mess everything up. I guarantee that."

"I've messed up everything up so far."

"This time will probably be different. Just have some faith. You really want to work this out though. If I know Edward, he wouldn't want to screw things up with you."

"I hope so Alice. I really do." I took a breath before continuing, "Alice can I ask you something?"

"Sure, ask me anything Bella. What is it?"

"I might regret this later but I think I want to go shopping."

"Really?" Her voice returned to its normalcy. "I haven't been to the mall since last night! There has to be new sales by now. Oh, Bella, you don't know how happy you've just made me! I will be at your house in five, be ready."

"Okay. All I have to do is get dressed. See you soon Alice."

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

**Bella, don't fall for it! You've been so strong. Don't think you can still fix it.**

**Leave me some love!**


	6. Lie to Her, Lie to Me, Lie to Everyone

**EPOV**

Bella called. It wasn't a good call either. I tried my best to cover up any indication that I was cheating on her and thanks to Tanya my cover was blown.

The conversation from that point just went downhill.

_"Tanya…please." I pleaded. I just needed this one moment to ask her if she was okay and she blew it._

"_I told you not to pick up the phone." It was audible enough for Bella to hear. Shit._ _This is not going like I planned._

"_It was important." Yes, make Bella feel better._

"_How is she important?" Tanya, you are not making this situation any easier._

"_Because, she just is, now can you stop?!" I was starting get irritated._

_I paused for a moment. How should I start this conversation after what she just heard?_

_"Bella?" I loved the way her name flowed from my mouth. _

_I heard her crying. _

"_Bella, please don't cry."_

"_I'm not crying Edward." She lied._

_"Yes you are. I heard it roll down your cheek."_

_"Edward, I'm not going to argue with you on whether or not I was crying."_

_"Okay then. How are you doing?" Yeah, nice Cullen, you leave her for three days without calling her and then when you do hear from her, she hears you about to have sex._

_"Edward, you left me in the meadow, crying and hurt; I sent you a text message, apologizing to you, and asking you to come and pick me up and you ignored it, leaving me to walk home; and I just spent the last three days drenched in my own sweat and tears because I have had nothing but nightmares and you're asking me how I'm doing? Are you fucking kidding me, Edward?"_

_Shit. She's having nightmares. Way to go, Cullen! But I didn't get a text from her. Did I?_

_"She's got quite a mouth for you, babe." Tanya snickered._

_"Shut the hell up, slut." A growl emerged from someone Tanya's throat. I remained quiet._

_"Edward, I'm waiting on you." She urged me to speak but I didn't know what to say. I had to make something up now!_

_"Bella, I'm sorry," I started, "You asked me to leave you when I offered to take you home. I didn't get a text from you asking for me to pick you up, and I'm sorry you're having nightmares. I can't help you with that." Yes I could. I helped her with it before._

_"Listen here you ass, I sent you a text message, and later when you're not fucking Tanya you can see for yourself. And what do you mean you can't help me with my nightmares? You're the cause of them!"_

_"I'm the cause of them? How is that Bella?"_

_She laughed and I became confused. "What is so funny?"_

_"I just find it hilarious that you find yourself not guilty in any of this."_

_"I didn't do anything, Bella." Yes I did. I just can't admit it._

_"You didn't do anything? I'm having all of these nightmares because you left me in the forest. I'm having nightmares because you left me in the meadow. Do you see the comparison in both of them Edward? Do you?"_

_I grew silent again and she continued when she didn't hear from me._

_"The issue is that you left when you said you wouldn't. You promised me and you broke that by doing the same damn thing you said you wouldn't."_

_"Bella…I didn't promise you anything." You're digging a deeper hole, Cullen._

_"Yes, you did! Why are you lying to me? Why are you lying to yourself, Edward? Does it feel good or something?" No, it doesn't. I feel miserable._

_"I'm not lying to anyone. I'm telling the truth. I didn't promise you anything and I don't appreciate you calling me and instigating another argument. I left in the first place because I needed to clear my head and-"_

_"And I suppose Tanya is going to help you do that, Edward? You get a good fuck and your problems are suddenly gone? Wow." No, Tanya helps me forget my problems. When it's all over then I feel miserable all over again and then turn to sex once more. _

_"Yes she is," I spoke, "In fact, we are talking it out. She really wants to help me."_

_"That is some bull Edward Cullen. Talking it out doesn't include sex."_

_"It does in our case." It sure did. Tanya wasn't the one to talk and neither was I when I was around her. If moans and groans count as talking then, we do get some type of message out there._

_"What happened to the 'I will never hurt you again?'"_

_Damn it. She had to pull that card. I've gotten this far, I can't give up yet._

_"I never told you that. You seem to make up a lot of stuff, Bella."_

_I was hurting and hurting bad. Hurting because I told Bella all of this and now I have to deny it. I told her that not only as a guarantee to her but as a promise to myself. I was screwing this up bad. Yet, I felt no guilt._

_"I'm not making it up! You told me you wouldn't hurt me again when we were about to leave Volterra. We were sitting in the lobby of the Volturi's office. I'm not stupid. My mind is not mediocre."_

_"Your mind is mediocre. You can't even think straight when I kiss you nonetheless stay conscious. I am going insane watching you try and figure yourself out. It's irritating!" I yelled._

_"I was not trying to figure myself out; I was trying to figure us out. From the outside looking in, it looked like we were the perfect couple with minimal problems, but on the inside, I knew there was something wrong before I figured it out. You acted so different when I rescued you from the Volturi and I spent months trying to unravel it. The issue is Tanya."_

_Tanya snickered again and I had to say something. She was taking this way too far. "Tanya, please."_

_Tanya gave me a look and I easily ignored her._

_"We are supposed to help and support each other, Edward. That's what a relationship is. That's how it lasts and that's what we did until recently. A problem surfaced itself and you ran away from it instead of us figuring it out together. We weren't a team like we always were." She was about to start crying again, but Tanya snickered…once again._

_Before I could say anything to Tanya, Bella started yelling._

_"Listen Tanya, I don't know what is so funny, but obviously he loves me more than you if all he goes there to do is fuck you. I mean, if you really think he does it out of love, you obviously are too deep into his good looks. It is okay to never move on to someone else but to hover is simply ridiculous on your part." _

"_Well obviously he comes here for me because you can't fulfill his needs better than I can. If you even tried I think you would have died by now. He is too much for you to handle. How do think it is on his side, trying to hold back on you when you can't even please him correctly? I doubt you've even had sex with him yet." The last few words went high on pitch. I turned my attention to Tanya to see she was smirking. This was definitely not going the way I wanted it to go. This relationship is over._

_Bella silenced and I knew it was time for me to cut in._

_"Bella," I spoke fiercely, "I will be back in Forks later tonight. I have a lot to get off of my chest that I cannot say in front of Tanya. I have to go but I will see you at your house soon. Goodbye." I pressed the 'end' button and threw my phone as hard as I could to the wall. It disassembled into many different pieces before I heard it clatter onto the floor. _

_Tanya moved behind me and rubbed her hands up and down my back as if she was trying to calm me down._

_I flinched out of her hold and stood up to my feet._

_Tanya touching only made me more frustrated at this point._

_I went and retrieved my clothes and put them on._

_"I'm leaving, Tanya."_

_"Edw-"_

_"I said I'm leaving. I don't want to hear it."_

_"Fuck you, Edward Cullen."_

_"You did a few minutes ago. Mission accomplished."_

_I heard her growl once before _I_ exited the house and made my way to the airport._

I closed my eyes in an attempt to calm my nerves before I landed in Forks.

How was I going to do this?

Truth be told, I really couldn't do it. I hurt Bella too much and to go back and face her made matters even worse.

I didn't have the guts to do it. I was a coward; A coward who can inflict pain on others before walking away without guilt, without a burden hanging on me.

The situation I am in now was a perfect example. I hurt Bella without a care in the world and felt as if I hadn't done a thing wrong. Then I turned around and fucked Tanya, letting all my frustrations into each and every thrust.

I was heartless. I was pain. I was selfish. I was everything that I shouldn't be but I was.

I can't be with Bella and I sure as hell don't want to be with Tanya. I don't deserve anyone. I deserve to be alone and in my own domain.

I had to let Bella know that.

I couldn't hurt her anymore, even though leaving would just add to it.

"Welcome to Forks. I hope you enjoyed your flight and thank you for flying AirTran."

Well, I can't think anymore. I have to do what I have to now.

~*~*~

I found my Volvo and quickly jumped in and started the ignition. Reversing out of my spot, I put the car in gear before speeding of into the twilight.

I swerved through the cars and with each passing moment I got closer to Bella. Anxiety rose with the passing of familiar streets.

I finally reached Bella's street and turned. Upon arrival, I spotted Alice's Porsche as it sped off the opposite way.

_I would see her later._

I parked next to the neighbor's driveway and made my way to Bella's house next door.

The tree climb to her window was easy as always. I agilely opened her window and slid in.

There she stood, by her closet, with a million shopping bags. She appeared to be sorting through her clothes and hanging up her shirts.

I walked with nimble, quiet steps and stopped when I was directly behind her.

Her scent overtook me once again as I familiarized myself with the smell of strawberries and restrained myself from the smell of wine.

I watched her intently, as she absentmindedly hung up her shirts.

She accidentally lost her footing stepping back and hit my chest.

She fixed her posture frantically and stiffened against my chest.

Her breath became shaky as she finally spoke, "Hi…Edward."

_Here we go._

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

**Okay, now we have some sort of understanding as to why Edward is doing this.**

**Next chapter will recontinue in Bella's POV.**

**Review!!**


	7. Shopping With Alice

**Okay, I want to remind you that this story is really OOC, as you will see in this chapter. **

**Prepare to see a side of Bella that you will never see.**

**Enjoy!**

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

**BPOV**

Alice picked me up five minutes later, as promised.

She scolded me for my bad tastes in clothes on our way to the mall, and I ignored it as usual.

We pulled up at the Seattle mall within a half an hour instead of the normal hour thanks to Alice's extreme driving skills.

_She's just like Edward with her driving._

I sighed as I exited Alice's Porsche and made my way into the mall.

dELiA's was having a sale on farmer plaid and my face lit up like a Christmas tree when I entered the store.

"What are you so happy about, missy? I thought you hated shopping!" Alice pointed out.

"I don't like to shop but they have a lot of farmer plaid. Mine are getting old and I need new ones. My jeans are also too small, and I need new chucks."

"Eww, you still like that plaid crap? Seriously, you need something flashy. You would love to wear heels too, you know!"

"Umm, Alice, I hate to say this, but I hate half the things you dress me in." She frowned.

"Oh, well, I'm sorry."

_Aww, man, I need to say something that will make her happy._

"Well, if it will make you feel better, you can get me anything you want on this trip, and" I sighed, "I'll let you pay for it too, if that makes you happy."

I cringed. There was no stopping Alice now.

"Yay, Bella, I love you right now! You will not regret this!" She exclaimed as he gave me a big hug before going into dELiA's.

_Man was I in for it with her._

I walked to where I first saw the plaid shirts and immediately collected every color that met my eye: red, blue, grey, purple, teal, white, green, and Turkish teal.

There was also a different version of plaid I have never heard of. Something called Robyn plaid.

Whatever it was I collected the colors that came with that too: purple, green, and blue.

When I was done, I made my way over to the jeans section.

My eyes scanned the section until I came across my favorite kind of jeans: ripped.

I found my sizes in all the different varieties they had, and dare I say, they were actually cute.

"Excuse me, ma'am?"

I turned behind me to see an employee. She was about the same height as me, but she looked about 15. She had dirty blonde hair and green eyes.

"Yes?"

"I see you have a lot of things. Would you like a bag or something to hold the stuff in?"

I looked down in my arms at the overstocked clothing before returning my eyes to the employee and nodding.

She walked away from me and went behind the checkout line before returning back to me with a mesh bag.

"Here you go." She smiled.

"Thank you, so much." I said as she held the bag open for me to drop the clothes in.  
When I was done I retrieved the bag from her and gave her a grateful smile as she turned away from me.

When she was nowhere in sight, I returned back to the jeans. I needed some for if it were to get colder and ripped was not something I needed.

I scanned the shelves for any pairs that might have caught my eye, and unfortunately, there were none.

Disappointed, I walked across to the other side of the store to wear the sneakers were, and felt like I walked into heaven.

_Oh my—they have every color Chucks that I could possibly think of! Thank you dELiA's!_

They had brown, blue, red, teal, purple, pink, white, black, grey, and any other color I couldn't think of.

I scoured the shelves for my size seven and a half in each color.

Thankfully, they had my size, in every color, and now, I would be able to have a nice matching outfit.

Alice should be so proud!

_Wait… since when did I become so involved in shopping? Alice is rubbing off on me too much!!! Ahhh!!!_

I went through the store one last time for anything that I could've looked over before heading to the cash register, where Alice patiently awaited.

She looked at me with wide eyes when she saw I was holding three large mesh bags full of clothing.

"Bella, what is all this?"

I blushed crimson as I responded, "Farmer plaid, band tees, jeans, and chucks; a whole lot of chucks."

Alice sighed, "Bella, can you need some of my help. I am going to take you to every store in this mall and get you so much stuff you won't even remember what you got by the time you get home."

"But Alic-"

"No 'buts' Bella, you promised that I could get you whatever I want and even if you hadn't have said it, I still would've gotten you whatever I want. It's a lose-lose situation."

_Damn it! I should have seen that coming._

"Fine," I pouted as I emptied the bags out on the register.

I looked at the cashier who held wide eyes at all my items.

"Sorry," I muttered.

She rung up each and every item and the total was $610.

I stared at the register with wide eyes, as I looked upon the neon green numbers that mocked me.

I panicked.

"I need to take some of this stuff off. There's no way I'm getting all this."

"Okay so what—"

"Here," Alice said as she retrieved her credit card from her purse.

"Alice, no."

"You said I could also pay for you, Bella," She said with a mischievous grin.

"Well, I take it back."

"No, you don't," she said as she faced the cashier and handed her the card.

The cashier swiped the card and the balance cleared to zero.

"Now, be appreciative, and grab your bags. We've got more stores to hit." Alice chanted behind her as she exited the store.

"Stupid pixie," I muttered before following behind her.

~*~*~

Approximately five hours later, we finally stopped for lunch.

"Alice, why do you insist on not feeding me?" I whined.

"I forgot you need food." Alice shrugged.

"What do you mean you forgot?!" I yelled, pulling attention on us.

"It was an accident. I got so caught up in shopping. You should've said something."

"I did and your reply was 'okay, when we leave this store'."

"My bad, jeez. So where do you want to go eat?"

"I'm feeling Chinese today."

We walked into the food court and found the Chinese place.

Eyes watched us as we walked in with over fifty bags.

I immediately felt embarrassed.

We found a booth and Alice helped me place all the bags under the table, before giving me her evil black card to pay for my food.

I made my way up to the line and let my eyes gaze over the buffet-style food settings that sat behind the counter.

"Ma'am?" I looked up. A Chinese man with a wide smile stood before me, "What would you like?"

I looked over the food once more and settled with vegetable lo mien and sesame chicken.

I grabbed a can of Pepsi on my way to the register, and grimaced when I handed the cashier Alice's credit card.

Once my transaction was complete, I took the card and made my way back to Alice.

"So," she began, "how do you think this whole meeting with my brother is going to go?"

I shrugged as I took a stuffed my mouth with lo mien. "Truth be told, I really don't know. It could go both ways at this point. Alice, he was _cheating_ on me. I want to let him go, but I fear that I love him too much to let him go."

"So you're just afraid of getting hurt again?"

I nodded as I chewed another bite of lo mien and sesame chicken.

"It's not just that," I said as I swallowed, "It's the fact that I trusted him again, and he took advantage of that."

Alice's eyes saddened. She opened her mouth and closed it simultaneously as if trying to figure out what to say.

I knew she couldn't.

After dinner at the food court, Alice decided that it was late, and it would be best if she took me home.

The ride home was the same as the ride to the mall: brisk.

Upon reaching my house, Alice reached for my hand and squeezed it gently.

"You'll do well. This whole thing will go well. Don't worry."

_Oh, I hoped so._

Alice helped me carry my bags up to my room before hugging me goodnight and exiting.

I decided that it would be in my best interest to start hanging the clothes up, so I started going through the bags in search of all the shirts and dresses---yes, dresses---to hang up.

I leaned forward to grab another shirt and moved too fast on the way up and was about to fall backwards, if it wasn't for my quick thinking to step back.

As I did so, I fell into something hard.

Regaining my posture, I stiffened against the hard object and began to try to concentrate on getting the shirt on the hanger in my quivering hand.

I took a deep breath, got the shirt on the hanger, and shakily spoke, "Hi…Edward."

_Here goes nothing._

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

**Okay, like I said before, this is a completely different Bella. I have never seen Bella like to shop, but it is for her favorite type of clothing: Chucks and farmer plaid.**

**Review!**


	8. Stopped Time

**I am deeply confused as to wear the rage is going to come from: whether this chapter or next chapter.**

**I am thanking Mimi, Omi, and Rose for their awesome Beta help! *waves* Thanks!! :)**

**Anyways.... enjoy the chapter.**

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

**BPOV**

I could do this. I _will_ do this.

It was now or never and whether I liked it or not, I had to do it now.

There would be no turning back for me.

I steadied my harsh breath and took one big deep one while closing my eyes.

_You can do this._

_You can do this._

_You can do this._

I _can't_ do this. I began to panic but slowly regained myself to show _him_ any signs of weakness.

I took another deep breath and turned around.

I found his face, his features hard and rigid. His jaw was tense and his eyes, oh his eyes, were dark, darker than I have ever seen.

I couldn't tell what had filled them: way too many emotions to count.

I glared at him and he returned the gesture in complete silence.

The tension at this point was thick, too thick to be cut with a knife.

His stare turned lethal with every passing minute and at one point, I became too scared to look, but somehow I couldn't turn away.

This man, who I would die for, was standing right in front of me, giving me glares from hell but I still loved him somehow. I don't want to, but I do.

I knew for a fact that somehow, I had to break up with him, but at the same time, I didn't want to lose that feel of protection he had always provided me with, and I definitely didn't want to go through depression again.

It hurt too much the last time, and there was no way I could go through it again.

If anything, I wanted to have Edward for my sanity, but I knew that after this I would be nothing more than a shell. I had a gut feeling about it.

Time would pass too quickly and I had to get this done before Charlie got home. If anything, Charlie would be the one to hear us arguing and he still has that rule about Edward being here under supervision.

I took a deep breath. _It's _now_ or never_. Never seemed very promising and I almost went with it, but looking at my options, _never_ would hurt too much.

I focused my concentration at the floor and thought of the ways this might end.

And truth be told, worst case scenario would be that he would leave me for good.

My eyes began to water and I forced my head up, hopefully to let him understand what he is doing to me. What his every action or word does to me. I hope he sees the pain that he has caused me along with the sorrow and happiness. How every highlight of my life revolved around him. How I truly felt about him.

The tears trickled down my cheeks as I looked into his eyes again and finally opened my mouth and whispered, "Edward."

He remained silenced.

"Edward," I tried again, "why?"

He closed his eyes before pinching the bridge of his nose as if searching for a response.

"Bella, sit." His voice was still hard and it cut me deeply. It seemed as though he still didn't care.

I got angry before saying a steady and strong, "No."

He removed his hand from his nose and looked at me again.

"Bella, don't make this hard."

"I said, 'no'."

His jaw loosened and tensed again in the same moment, "Why do you have to be so damn stubborn? This is what I hate about you!"

"Deal with it," I began, "Now, answer my question, why did you do it?"

"Why didn't I have sex with you or why am I sleeping with Tanya behind your back?"

He smirked. He fucking smirked.

I lit up in a minute, "Don't you fucking smirk at me Cullen, and you know what the hell I'm insinuating, so answer the damn question!"

"Hmm, let's see. I don't sleep with you because, well, you're too fragile."

"No shit Sherlock," I mumbled.

He ignored me and continued, "And I'm sleeping with Tanya behind your back because, well, there are plenty of reasons."

_Keep pissing me off Cullen._

"One reason is, well because you're too fragile, two, I'm a guy, I need a little _something_ to release my tensions, three, Tanya is more experienced, four, well, it's fun. I think that's all of them."

He looked back at me, a smirk across his pretty face.

"Those are all dumb reasons. One, I am fragile, but if you had better control over yourself, maybe if we tried, there wouldn't be an issue. Two, who cares if you're guy! I know plenty of guys that don't sleep around. Three, if you needed to take your tensions out, you could have had a fight with Emmett, four, practice makes perfect you ass. If we would've tried, we would've gotten better, I would've gotten better, and five, if it was so fun, there was no reason why you couldn't do it with me."

"Yes, there is and I already gave you a reason. You. Are. Too. Fragile." He emphasized each word.

"You. Are. An. Ass!"

He went back to pinching the bridge of his nose and paced the room.

"Bella, sit."

Back to this thing again!

"I told you before that I am not sitting."

He grunted. "What the hell is wrong with you?" He yelled.

I took two things into account: one, he _never _yelled and two, he never yelled at _me._

"What the hell is wrong with me? You have got to be kidding if you think you can walk up in here, state the reasons why you are cheating on me with that bitch, and then yell at me like I did something wrong. The problem here is you, Edward!"

His eyes narrowed and he took a step forward.

"_I_ am not the problem. The problem is you with you being clingy and your emotional breakdowns."

Ouch. That hurt.

"I am not _clingy_, one, and two, if I do have an emotional breakdown, you should be there to help me get through it, but instead you run away to God knows where. And I have a list of how you're the problem. One, you are never there for me when I have my issues, it's always Alice. Two, you completely do a 180 when I confront you about Tanya and three, when I clearly hear you two having sex on the phone, you deny it. That doesn't sound like a problem to you?"

His eyes grew darker than they already were. It almost looked as if he were possessed and I became scared.

This was a side of Edward I didn't know.

"Forget what you heard, it—"

"No! No, no, no, no!" I cried out like a baby, "I will _not_ hide your secrets in a storage closet in the back of my mind. It isn't going to work that way, and it will not work that way. I want _you_ to sit, and I want you to calm down and I want you to talk with me. I don't care if half the things you say or are thinking is bad, I just want you to _talk_. I miss the way we could talk about anything. I miss talking with you," I paused, "and…I miss you Edward."

I began to cry again as I awaited his answer. Hopefully we could talk, and make this work. There was no way in hell I would survive him leaving me.

"I want us to work," I whispered.

"Bella," he paused, "it will never work. I was hoping you would get it through your thick brain! Stop convincing yourself it will work when you know damn well it won't!"

"I know it won't work, Edward, but I'm trying to prove myself wrong. You said you loved me and that you always will love me. Sadly, I still believe that, even if you did cheat on me. That's what a relationship is defined as and what it is. It's when two people stand by each other no matter what problem occurs. And even if that problem is too tough, we work together until we can both solve it. I believe that, hopefully, this incident will make us stronger."

He chuckled, "Bella, we will _never_ work. I _don't_ love you. Why are you being so ignorant?"

He doesn't love me? Why? Why doesn't he? After all we been through, he doesn't love me? I dropped my best childhood friend for him, and he doesn't love me?

I felt the pain in my heart return and I instinctively tried to grasp it as I fell to my knees, tears clouding my vision as I tried to stare at the floor.

I lifted my head as he turned away from me.

His focus was on the window.

_He was planning on leaving. Stop him!_

"I can't deal with you anymore. You won't see me again but my family is not moving. You will still be able to keep in contact with them if you wish. You just won't see me."

"_You won't see me again."_ His words echoed through my head as the searing pain of my heart intensified.

He took one step away from me, then another.

"_Stay with me please, that is what I need, please?_" I sang the all-too familiar song quietly, "_Sing us a song and we'll sing it back to you._"

He stopped.

I continued singing, "_This heart it beats, beats for only you."_

I lifted myself up from the floor and made my way over to him.

I reached for his arm and when I grabbed hold of it, I held it tightly.

"It hurt me so badly when you left. The pain returned when you left me in the meadow. And now, Edward Cullen, the pain is unbearable. I refuse," the anger returned, "to have you hurt me again Edward Cullen! I'd be damned if you do it again!" I yelled through my tears.

He sighed, "Bella…let go."

_Don't let him hurt you._

"No. I will not. I want us to sit down and talk about it like we are supposed to be. We are not going to be cowards."

Edward continued his walk towards the window, dragging me along with him.

I was not going to let him leave.

I had to do everything in my power to get him to stay.

"_This heart, it beats, beats for only you_," I began to sing quietly again.

"Damn it Bella, let the fuck go!"

I ignored him and continued. He needed to hear this, "_My heart is yours. My heart is yours."_ I sang between sobs and finished, "My heart is yours Edward. It has been since the moment we met and it's still yours now. You take it with you wherever you go and when you return to me, we will share it, how we always have when we're together."

"I don't want to hear this anymore! I said let go!"

"Don't do this, please!"

"Stop!" He yelled.

I didn't know what happened afterwards.

All I knew was that I was against the wall on the other side of my room and that he was gone.

I cried harder than I already was and it burned my face.

_He left. I tried to make it work. I tried my damndest and I failed. I started out strong and confident and as time went on, I became naïve, weak, and pleading. _

Buildup grew in my chest and the pain in my heart came back full force.

"Aaaagh!!" I clenched my chest, digging my nails deep. Hoping I could somehow dilute the pain.

_Make it stop!_

I started to feel compression in my head and the pain that came with it was excruciating. Though the pain was miniscule to what I felt in my chest, it hurt like hell and was nothing I've ever experienced.

I saw my vision become blurrier and blurrier as I zoned in and out of consciousness.

I tried and tried to keep my eyes from closing, and blinked continuously to clear my vision, but it was no use.

I was forced to become submissive as the darkness threw itself upon me.

And it was in that same moment, that time had stopped for me.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

**Yes, I know what some are you are probably thinking: did Bella die? And the answer to that is no. If she died than I would end the story right here and you wouldn't want that now would you? Didn't think so.**

**Review! If I get 20 reviews, I'll update. No 20, and I will take my time trying to get the next chapter up! :P**


	9. Guilt Trip

**Even though I didn't get the 20 reviews I hoped for, :( I did get close to it, sooo I will let you guys get the chapter anyways! :) I love you guys too much not to give it to you. :)**

**Okay, so this chapter is short, but it does give you a hint as to why Edward is acting the way he is. :)**

**I had a feeling that if I wrote too much in this chapter, then I would've revealed a LOT of things..... and that would've ruined the story and we wouldn't want that would we?**

**Enjoy!!**

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

**EPOV**

_Fuck._

I can't believe I just did that.

_Fuuuck._

Why did I hit her? Why? What the hell did she do to me that was bad enough that would cause me to do that?

"_Well, let's see. She tried to get you to talk about it and you got pissed at that; then she tried to say that your relationship with her would work if we worked together and you got pissed off of that too; oh, and, my favorite thing is she sung you a song that you almost stayed for while holding on to you and then you got even more pissed. Then you hit her."_

Thanks, conscience, you sure know ways to make me not feel guilty.

"_Anytime."_

If what just happened was one thing, it was way out of my character. I wouldn't normally do that, would I?

Was this the person I was turning into? And if it was, was this the same person that Bella has been experiencing for all these months?

I would normally be able to contain my anger; I would've sat down and listened to her.

And the worst thing is that she was right….about everything.

I was a coward.

I was having sex with Tanya.

I could've attempted to make love to her.

I was a liar. Out of all the things that were said tonight, I think my lying is what caused her the most pain. I told her I didn't love her. I fucking told her I didn't love her! What the hell was I thinking then!

I loved her, I always did, but there was a part of me that always doubted it and it wasn't a regular doubt either. It was strong. There was a part of me that wanted to resent Bella, reasoning unknown.

I took a brisk look at the dashboard of my car.

10:35.

Ten minutes had passed. Alice should be there by now. There is no doubt in my mind that she did see that coming.

Alice. I can't even imagine her reaction to seeing her best friend's face caved in. She would probably yell, but I don't know what she would do when she saw me. I knew very well what the others might do, but Alice, I can't.

Carlisle would probably be stunned—Esme as well—he would probably want me to talk about it, which is not something I want to do because in the end, all it's going to do is make me guiltier.

Esme would be absolutely devastated. She loved Bella like her own child. She might stay away from me for a while.

Emmett, more than likely would try to beat me dead no doubt. As tough as he is, he would never ever hit a girl.

Rosalie, I don't think would do me much harm. She never liked Bella to begin with, yet, I have a strong feeling that when she talked with Bella, that might've changed.

Jasper will put me in my misery. He would make sure my feelings are so deep, I couldn't forget the incident, and frankly, I don't think I will.

My thoughts came to a halt when my phone vibrated in the passenger seat. I knew who it would be. I gripped the steering wheel until my knuckles turned pearl white, in an attempt to take out my anger, but that was no use.

The phone continued on vibrating in the seat and I finally came to the conclusion that it would probably be in my best interest to answer it.

I reached for it and flicked the cover open, "Hello, Alice."

"You weren't going to answer the phone were you, ass?" Her voice laced with the anger I unsuccessfully avoided.

"I contemplated it."

"You are an ass!! You're all cool and collected when your girlfriend is lying unconscious in the back seat of Emmett's Jeep."

"She's not my girlfriend, Alice. I broke up with her."

"You broke her alright!! Why the hell did you hit her?"

I don't know. Was it because I was in a serious denial and Bella saw through my poker face and called me out on it? Was it because I knew how much I really was hurting her and I needed to get away as soon as possible? I hate Tanya's mother and I hate Tanya.

"Hello?? I know you can hear me!"

"Alice, you know why I did it," I sighed.

"There is no reason why her face is smashed in Edward! And the reason you are insinuating does not count as valid."

"But Al-"

"Don't start Edward. You know what you did was wrong, and there is no justifying it! In all seriousness, what had she'd done to deserve this?"

"Nothing," I mumbled.

"What?"

"You know what I said, Alice." I muttered.

"I need you to say it again. I need you to hear yourself admit to what your actions are doing to other people."

"Nothing! She didn't do a damn thing! Are you happy now?"

"No, I'm not. Bella is not okay, and until she is, I don't think I can forgive you."

"Alice," I started but immediately was interrupted.

"I don't want to hear this. Bella is more important to me than you are right now."

"I'm coming to the hospital."

"No you're not. You wanted to leave her, leave her. She doesn't need you to do a hocus pocus act and appear and disappear when you want to. That is not how it will work and that is not how I will let it work."

She was right and as much as I hated to admit it, it was true. This is the third time I left Bella, and twice before, I came back to her.

"I..I don't know what to do, Alice."

"I can't help you with your issues. Deal with them yourself. I've grown sick and tired of you and your problems. All they do is worsen each time."

"Alice..," I paused and took a deep breath, "I'm sorry."

"Don't tell me that. Tell Bella that. I got to go, bye." The line went dead before I could respond.

I closed my phone and threw it in the seat beside me as I declared that I screwed up, bigger than I ever had before. I needed to fix this. I needed to fix Bella.

I re-gripped the steering wheel with a tight force as I decided what I had to do next.

As I began to think through my plan, my phone vibrated once again. I lifted it up and flicked the cover open to find a text. It was Tanya.

_Did you handle that fragile thing? I hope you didn't let her go lightly._

I sighed and replied, giving her the answer she wanted.

_Yeah, she's taken care of. She wouldn't let go without a fight, but I shook her off._

I redirected my thoughts back to my plan when it was interrupted once again by another text.

_When are you coming back?_

_In a few days._

That was all the time I needed to get my plan in action. I just hope that this doesn't backfire because if it does, I'm screwed.

I turned down the hidden path that led to my house. The first part of this plan consisted of facing my family. This was one of the hardest parts, but I knew if I didn't do this now, I could never win Bella back.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

**Okay, as you read, Edward has finally admitted his mistakes, part of the main reason for his doings, and part of what he is going to do to fix it.**

**There are two things I want to let you guys be aware of: 1) I will make a playlist for this story. When it is done I will post it on my profile, and let you guys know! and 2) I am writng another FF entitle 'Saving Me'. I wrote three chapters already, but I want to get TS a litte further before I start posting it. So if you want to read it, put me on Author Alert if you haven't already, so you can get it when I post it. :)**

**Well that's it. **

**I hope you enjoyed! **

**10 reviews will get you the next chapter. ;)**


	10. Fighting for Life

**A/N:**

**Okay, so even though I didn't get the amount of reviews I was hoping for Chapter 9, I decided that I will give you this one. I got a lot of reviews that misinterpreted what happened, so I am reiterating in this chapter.**

**In addition to, I would like to give a dedication to Ragdoll-Ranny. She left a review so awesome I almost cried. (no lie!!) And I would like to say that I have never inspired a person with my writing before and confused them so much that they started yelling while reading Breaking Dawn (lol). So a big thank you to her, and if I get anymore awesome reviews I will begin to post them up. :)**

**Anyways, this POV begins with Alice.**

**Enjoy!**

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

**APOV**

I saw it.

I saw it happen and I was too late to stop it.

There, lying on the floor was Bella, bleeding and the left side of her face now deformed. I could hear her faint heart as it struggled to keep going with each and every beat. Every now and again I would hear it falter.

She sat there in the corner of her room surrounded by her own blood. The smell to me was the taste of the finest wine to a human.

I had many occurrences where I had to fight between lust and control. Control won every time. Now, there was a strong difference. Lust was winning and I was getting closer to the being that I promised I wouldn't be: my true self. The real meaning of being a vampire was sitting in front of my face, mocking me, and I had to fight against what I really was with what I was trying to be.

I closed my eyes and held my breath.

_You can do this._ _You did it before and you can do it now,_ I mentally told myself.

I opened my eyes but held my breath, returning my gaze to a dismembered Bella.

She needed medical attention now. Her heart rate decreased and the beating was one every few seconds.

_She's dying._

I began to panic. I couldn't carry her because the temptation would be too much and on top of that, it would take too long to get to the hospital on foot. I _will not_ take her in my Porsche. As selfish as it sounds, that is an absolute hell to the no.

I reached in my pocket for my phone and quickly went to the contacts. I scrolled down to the number I needed and pressed the call button.

With each passing second I grew more and more nervous. Bella was dying and all hope relied on this phone call. I felt a rush of relief when I heard the phone pick up.

"Hey little sis! What's up?" Emmett's boisterous voice projected through the receiver.

"Emmett, come to Bella's house right away!!" I frantically spoke.

"Why what happened?" His playful tone turned serious.

"It's Edward. He...he hit Bella and she's lost a lot of blood. Her heart beat keeps faltering and getting slower and she's unconscious."

The rage in Emmett's voice became more apparent.

"That bastard! He knows how fragile she is! What the hell is wrong with him?"

"I don't know Emmett. We'll worry about that later, just hurry, please!!" I begged in desperation. This was not a time to be worried about Edward and his decisions. Bella was in need of intense medical care.

"I'm already on my way. Give me two minutes." The line went dead. I slid my phone closed and put it in my back pocket before redirecting my attention to Bella.

I walked over to Bella's lifeless body with precautious steps.

_I should try to take her downstairs._

I bent down and picked her light body into my arms and accidentally took a breath simultaneously.

With one swift movement I put Bella back down and ran to the window and shoved it open, taking in the fresh air.

Her blood was sweet, luring, overpowering, and tempting. How the hell did Edward do this? How could he be by her everyday and not want to kill her? It had to be impossible.

Then I remembered. Bella was like this because of Edward.

I had lost all grips on my emotions and my worry slipped away, wrath quickly replacing it. Unnoticed, a growl slipped from my throat.

I looked at Bella.

_Poor girl. Edward had done all this stuff for her to unwillingly take him back and he does this? He knew damn well how much she loved him. Love shouldn't hurt, especially in a relationship that is standing on glass; one wrong step and the entire floor below you can shatter._

Edward, he made the wrong step and now, Bella is shattered and fighting for her life.

This wasn't how it was supposed to be. No one was supposed to get hurt.

I heard tires crush the gravel in the driveway and automatically knew that Emmett was here.

I knew what I had to do but somehow, the temptation was too overpowering and the burning in my throat became unbearable. It was then, my vampire instincts kicked in.

_I can't take it. I have to drink._

I leaped for Bella, no longer able to control myself. I placed my mouth on the already exposed skin of her neck and prepared myself to bite her, but was interrupted when I felt myself being flung across the room and into the desk placed next to the window. The desk disassembled itself and everything on it fell with me as I fell to the ground.

"Alice what the hell are you doing?" Emmett scowled.

I didn't know what to say. There were no words that could be placed with my actions. My head just shook as an automatic response and I washed over with disappointment and shame. I looked up to see Emmett with his eyes fixed on me and expectant.

"Emmett, I…I tried, but the temptation made me thirsty."

Emmett sighed out in disappointment.

"And so you're going to feed on your best friend?"

That hurt me. Bella was my best friend and the fact that I almost took advantage of her in the state she was in sickened me.

I let my gaze travel to the floor and pictured what would have happened if Emmett hadn't come.

"Damn! What the hell did he do to her?"

I looked up immediately and saw Emmett's shocked expression as he examined Bella's state.

"He hit her."

Emmett mumbled something under his breath before lifting Bella up bridal style and carrying her towards the door.

"Let's go, we have no time to waste."

He retreated down the stairs as I got up and followed down to the Jeep still running outside.

~*~*~

I sat in the passenger seat as Emmett raced to the hospital. I had already called Carlisle, and he said he would prepare the ER and have a staff ready by the time we arrived.

I turned in my seat and looked back at Bella. We wrapped her head in some of the sheets we found at the house, but it leaked through and is getting all over Emmett's leather seats. Her breathing seemed to have slowed even more from when we were at the house. Her heart was even worse. It did one pump every three seconds. That's really not good.

Just then, another thought crossed my mind. Where the hell is Edward? He should have been the main person trying to care for Bella but instead he just ran off. I took my phone out from my pocket and dialed his number.

"Who are you calling?" Emmett asked, taking his eyes off the road for a second to look at me.

"Edward."

I heard a growl emerge from his throat, confirming he was just as pissed as I was.

_One ring._

_Two rings._

_Three rings._

He better pick up this phone. He knows damn well why I am calling.

_Four rings._

"He's not answering," I said to Emmett.

_Five rings._

What the hell?

Right when I was about to hang up, he answered.

"Hello, Alice," he spoke coolly.

Wait, why is he speaking like he didn't do anything? Rage built up inside me, but I had to stay calm, for Bella.

"You weren't going to answer you, ass?" Well, so much for trying to stay calm.

"I contemplated it," he responded and I was three seconds from telling Emmett to hurry up so we can find his ass.

"You're an ass!! You're all cool and collected when your girlfriend is lying unconscious in the back of Emmett's Jeep."

"She's not my girlfriend, Alice. I broke up with her." He still sounded calm at it was pissing me off. The worst part about it was that he knew what he was doing.

"You broke her alright!! Why the hell did you hit her?" I screamed through the receiver.

He didn't respond.

"Hello?? I know you can hear me!!"

"Alice, you know why I did it," he sighed.

Wait, I knew what he was talking about. There is no way in the world that he is talking about Tanya and her mother! That is not a good enough excuse.

"There is no reason why her face is smashed in Edward! And the reason you are insinuating does not count as valid."

Well, it doesn't, does it? I mean he is… oh shit! How could I have forgotten?

"But Al-"

"Don't start Edward," I interrupted, "You know what you did was wrong and there is no justifying it! In all seriousness, what had she'd done to deserve this?"

"Nothing," he mumbled.

"What?" I heard what he said. I just want to make sure he knows that Bella did absolutely nothing to deserve this.

"You know what I said Alice," He muttered.

"I need you to say it again. I need for you to hear yourself admit to what your actions are doing to other people."

"Nothing! She didn't do a damn thing! Are you happy now?" He yelled.

"No, I'm not. Bella is not okay, and until she is, I don't think I can forgive you."

"Alice," he started but I didn't want to hear it. As much as it hurt me to say that, it was the truth. I don't think I could forgive Edward unless Bella had it in her heart to forgive him. That's if she has the chance on getting through this.

"I don't want to hear this. Bella is more important to me than you are right now."

"I'm coming to the hospital," he said.

No, I will not allow him to. He doesn't deserve that right.

"No you're not. You wanted to leave her, leave her. She doesn't need you to do a hocus pocus act and appear and disappear when you want to. That is not how it will work and that is not how I will let it work."

"I…I don't know what to do Alice." He sounded frantic and desperate.

"I can't help you with your issues. Deal with them yourself. I've grown sick and tired of you and your problems. All they do is get worse each time."

"Alice..," he paused and took a deep breath, "I'm sorry."

I was happy that Edward was admitting to his mistakes but I was still angry at him. It would take a lot for me to forgive him.

Bright lights shown as Emmett pulled into the ER drop off area. Carlisle and his staff were rushing with a gurney towards the car.

"Don't tell me that. Tell Bella that. I got to go, bye."

I closed my phone before he could respond and got out the car and opened Bella's door. Emmett—already at my side—carefully lifted Bella from the car and onto the gurney. I heard gasps come from the medical staff and I looked to find Carlisle in a state of shock.

I reached my hand to his shoulder and he briefly looked at me with worried eyes before returning his attention to Bella. He called out the instructions and his team responded as they disappeared through the double doors of the hospital.

I must've stood there for a while after they left because Emmett came and put his arm around me.

"It'll be okay. She'll be okay."

I wasn't fooled by the uncertainty in his voice. He knew as well as I did that we didn't know whether or not Bella was going to be okay, and for the first time since I was changed, I was scared.

I was scared for me, for Emmett, for Edward, but most importantly, I was scared for Bella.

"I hope so," I whispered before being enveloped into a big grizzly hug.

"Me too," Emmett said worriedly.

We stayed in each other's arms for a few minutes before Emmett spoke again.

"I called Jasper. He's on his way. I am going back to the house to update Rose and keep her comfort."

I looked up at him. Rose?

He understood and chuckled, "Yeah, I am shocked too. Remember when Rosalie talked to Bella the last time you held her captive?"

I nodded.

"Well, Rosalie and Bella talked things out and now they understand each other."

Wow, so that's why she was upstairs for so long that night.

"I would've never thought.."

"I know. I wouldn't have thought either until Rose sat me down and told me about it. I'm proud of her, though," he smiled.

"Me too," I smiled back.

"Well, you should go inside just in case you hear anything. Jasper should be here in a couple."

"Okay."

We released each other and Emmett got into his Jeep and pulled off.

I watched until the darkness digested it, before turning to the double doors outside the waiting room.

I took a deep breath and walked into the beginning of what would be the longest wait of my life.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

**A/N: **

**Okay so let me clarify some questions that I think you are going to ask.**

**Edward, a while back, told Alice about his past about Alice. The only thing is that she doesn't know how deep the problem really is. What Edward told her barely scratched the surface of his issues.  
Alice is only assuming what Edward DID tell her is relevant to him breaking up with Bella.**

**So yeah, it gets worse.**

**Review!!**


	11. Life Changing News

**A/N:**

**So here's the next chapter... enjoy!**

**APOV**

Thirty hours.

Thirty hours since they took Bella into the ER; thirty hours since they tried to save her; thirty hours since we've seen Carlisle; thirty hours and we still haven't heard a word.

For all I knew, Bella could be dead from blood loss and Carlisle was just too afraid to tell us. Maybe she had been changed because of the fact that she was holding onto life by a thin string. Maybe there was no way to save her from all the damage done.

A shiver went down my spine as I looked down and saw Jasper's eyes connect with mine. A smile of uncertainty and nervousness crossed my face and Jasper almost responded immediately. He tightened his grip on my waist, pulling me into him. I turned and put my head in the crook of his neck and wrapped my arms around him.

Tearless sobs emerged from my throat.

"Jazz, is she going to be okay?" I asked frightened.

"I don't know, Alice. Can you see anything?"

I stopped and tried to focus on Bella. I looked through the distant portal in my head that led me to people's life decisions and there she was. There was Bella. She wasn't moving and her chest wasn't rising or falling. Her skin was extremely pale and her hair had no life in it. It was all dead.

She was dead.

I pulled myself out from the vision as soon as possible and uncontrollably shook, more sobs coming from me.

"What Alice? What did you see?" Jasper asked worriedly.

"She…she's going to die, Jasper. I saw her dead and unmoving."

Jasper tensed under my arms and suddenly I was calmed and tolerable.

"If she is going to make it through this, we all have to stay strong for her. She wouldn't like it if we were out here upset."

"I know Jazz but I _saw_ it."

"I understand that but your visions are also subjective. You may see her dead now, but that might change within a few minutes." He rubbed his hand up and down my back in an attempt to let me know everything is okay, but it wasn't soothing. It irritated me.

I know my visions are subjective, but that doesn't mean that what I saw wasn't the truth. For all I knew, it was happening now, and there would be nothing I could do about it. Not a damn thing. And once again, it all goes back to Edward.

I swear if she dies I will kill him myself. She had every right to live a normal life and he knew that.

Pulling myself free of Jasper's hold, I got up and walked out of the hospital.

Footsteps chased after me and I knew who it was.

"Jasper, I'll be back. Stay here and if you hear anything call me."

The thumps stopped and then returned back to the hospital. Brisk strides brought me to the black Mercedes in the south parking lot. Slipping in, I closed the door and pulled out the cell phone and dialed the number I was looking for.

"Hello?" the voice answered.

"Where are you?" I asked.

"I'm heading towards the house."

"Meet me in the woods 15 miles south of Seattle."

Tires screeched on the other end of the phone before I heard his voice again, "I'm on my way."

"See you in 30 minutes." I slid my phone closed and threw it in the passenger seat and put the key in the ignition, making the car roar to life.

Within the next few seconds, I was driving down the road with inevitable speed.

~*~*~

After three hours, I was returning back to the hospital.

The newly acquired information made things have a lot more sense. I just hope Bella can make it through this to know it. It might put her at some ease. She might even be able to forgive Edward with it.

I pulled into the hospital parking lot and sat there for a minute, digesting everything just given to me.

It still doesn't justify what happened and I won't stop what will happen because what is to come is well-deserved. The only thing though, is that I won't be a participant in it.

Out of nowhere, my body froze and I was pulled into another vision.

_My day just keeps getting better._

I opened the car door and jolted back to the waiting room.

Jasper stood up upon my arrival and rushed towards me. "Where did you go?"

"Don't worry about it. I just remembered that I had to do something, that's all."

He looked at me skeptically and before he had time to reply a man in blue scrubs walked up to us. His blonde hair was pulled back neatly under a matching blue cap and his face was concealed by a mask.

Carlisle.

He removed his mask and looked at me, relief in his golden eyes.

"Alice, Jasper."

"How is she?" Jasper asked nervously.

"Right now, she is okay. We did multiple blood transfusions and we did fix her skull with the use of many screws and bolts. The only thing is that she slipped into a coma during recovery and we can't tell when she will wake up."

"Is there anything else?" I asked.

"Um," his eyes pained as he spoke, "her brain was damaged from the impact. She will have memory loss."

I sighed. This wasn't going to get any better. Jasper wrapped his arm around me as I crossed my arms over my chest.

"How severe is it?" Jasper asked.

"She might not be able to remember us nor the incident."

"Is there a chance that she will regain her memory?"

"There is a possibility, but I highly doubt it will come back based on the results of her testing."

"Damn it, Edward!" I yelled.

Jasper turned and pulled me into him.

"Let the others know, and if you get into contact with Edward, let him know too. I have to get back to work. I will let you know if anything comes up."

"Alright," Jasper and I said in unison.

With that, Carlisle turned his back and retreated to the double doors that lead back to the ER.

I wrapped my arms around Jasper's waist and he tightened his grip on me.

"Now what?" I mumbled into his chest.

"Now we wait. We have no choice but to."

"Okay."

We stayed embraced in each other's arms for a few more minutes before Jasper broke the silence.

"We should go home now and let the other's know of her condition."

"Alright. Let's go."

We released each other and Jasper reached for my hand and I willingly gave it to him.

We walked to the car and Jasper held my door open while I got in before getting into the car himself.

I stared ahead at the road ahead as we headed home, my face void, but on the inside, I was happy. Happy because I knew what no one else would know what I knew.

Happy because I knew Bella would be okay.

* * *

**A/N: So where did Alice go?? Any ideas?? Lemme hear them.**

**Review!**


	12. Unraveled

**A/N: I have a few things to say.**

**1) I am so sorry for keeping you guys waiting. I know a lot of you have been anticipating this chapter.**

**2) I had never written a fight before so I was kind of mind-boggled. I also, knew that I couldn't really use SM's example--much to my dismay-- for a fight, so I asked one of my awesome betas, BellaEdwardlover1991 for some help, and she did an outstanding job with coming up with a way to put the fight. So the credit goes to her because I had no idea what the hell I was doing.**

**3) Read the A/N on the bottom.**

**So with that out of the way, let the fight commence!!**

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*****~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*****~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*****~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

**EPOV**

I knew the second I came home, I would be screwed. Emmett would beat me up, and I'd gladly suffer the consequences of my actions. I knew I deserved it.

That didn't mean I let him beat me up completely, I tried to dodge him. But even with my mind reading skills he was fast enough to get a few punches in. And Rosalie, who was awaiting her turn in "Let's-beat-the-crap-out-of-Edward-till-he-stops-being-an-ass" was quite distracting too.

It felt weird, having a fight with my siblings. Sure, we wrestled before, and of course we fought for real every once in a while. Which siblings don't? But this, this was different. This was the "beating-someone-up-to- punish-them kind of beating up, not just a little fight.

The few punches I got didn't hurt, much to Rosalie's and Emmett's dismay. But it was a great way for him to relieve his anger. I knew he needed to get it out on me.

Emmett's comments had a way of getting to me; he knew it would make me angry. When I tried to respond to them, he went back to beating me up.

He managed to throw me through the glass doors that led to the backyard, and though the physical thing didn't hurt me, I knew Esme's disappointment in us would hurt. I'd have to hear her true feelings in her mind, and that would hurt more than any physical pain possible. I felt guilty for this fight already, but I had seen it coming. It was to be expected from my family, who loved Bella as much as I did.

~*~*~*~

**APOV**

We pulled up on the driveway that led to the house. As the trees began to clear, I saw it.

A silver Volvo.

"Edward's here," I stated, trying to keep my voice even.

"I see. I don't understand why though," Jasper answered, anger evident in his voice.

I knew why he was here. I couldn't tell anyone though. I had to wait until Edward wanted to say it himself. It bothered me to keep out of it, but I knew I had to. I had promised.

He told me everything when I met him yesterday, from why he had to break up with Bella to why he had to hurt her. He explained though, that when he hurt her, it wasn't supposed to be in the extent that it currently was. Maybe a little cut or bruise but nothing as drastic as it currently was.

He even told me his plan of action. I had to say that I was proud of Edward when I left, but that still didn't mean that I was on friendly terms with him. I would accept him if and when Bella did. That's if she even remembers the incident.

Jasper escorted me to the front of the house.

"I assume that there is some action going on."

"You know Emmett," Jasper smirked.

"I just hope they didn't mess up Esme's house, because if they did, I want no part in it."

I pushed open the door and stepped inside.

_The kitchen looks good from here. And the living room hasn't been touched. The dining room is good. Everything looks good. Wait, is that… oh my! They broke Esme's French doors. She will not be happy about that! I need to get that fixed before she comes back home._

"I see they broke her French doors," Jasper pointed out, a small grin on his voice. I could imagine his thoughts there, enjoying the fact that Emmett got to him a bit.

"I know," I gritted through my teeth, "I hope they know that we have to fix that before shecomes home. Esme will be very upset if she finds out."

"Trust me, I think they know," Jasper said in an assuring way.

We walked together through the busted French doors to find Emmett and Edward, still fighting.

I paced myself until I was standing right next to her. She was tense and angry.

When she turned to me, I saw worry written in her eyes. "How's Bella?" Her voice trembled a bit, but she tried to keep strong.

I felt a frown form on my face and shook my head. "I wanted to tell you guys when you weren't fighting, but she might not be doing too well."

"Oh."

I took Rose into my embrace. She may not have seemed like she cared about Bella, but she always did. It was just that she didn't like the fact that Bella chose the one thing she wanted most. But Rose always knew that Edward cared about her. And now he was hurting her, and it made her feel protective of Bella. It was nice to see the compassionate side of Rose every once in a while. And now she was waiting to get her turn in 'Beating Edward up'.

I released her, but kept my arm securely around her shoulder. I looked to my right and saw that Jasper wasn't next to me.

Where did he go? I looked around me for a second, but then my eyes caught what was happening. It took me less than a sixteenth of a second to process what was going on.

I stared at the fight in front of me and saw that Jasper had become part of the fight. All I hoped was that he wouldn't get hurt. Though the fact that they were fighting was odd in itself, I could see the reason behind it. I couldn't say I felt that they were going too far. Edward was getting exactly what he deserved by beating up Bella.

~*~*~*~

**EPOV**

At some point, I had to give up. Emmett was strong, and fast too. I barely had time to catch up with him, it was getting harder for me to about getting hit. But at the moment Jasper joined him, I knew it was a lost cause.

I had never seen my brothers this way. They weren't just angry, they were _livid._ Their minds were quiet, just a silent thought behind the beating up. They didn't even think about it, all they wanted was to avenge my Bella.

I knew I had no right to feel disappointed in my brothers, but somehow I did. I guess I hoped they'd like me better, I was their brother, they'd choose me over her.

And they proved me I was wrong. One clumsy little human had carver her way into their hearts, and by breaking her beating one, I also broke the frozen ones of my siblings. And knowing them, they wouldn't forgive me anytime soon.

This could take a while. I closed my eyes, and waited for it all to be over.

~*~*~*~

**APOV**

I watched the fight anxiously. Though Edward deserved it, I didn't like watching them fight. I knew Edward needed to be shown where he belonged, and what he was. Also, he had to be punished for what he did to Bella. But I still didn't like it. It was two against one, it was quite unfair.

Edward showed no emotion to the situation though. He was concentrating on dodging. That plan eventually failed when he couldn't dodge one of Emmett's punches. It caused the fight to become worse, and they were starting to get to him.

That was when I saw that look. The look I rarely ever see Edward give. It always gave him a special glint in his eyes. It was his look of defeat… giving up. I watched as he fell to the ground and closed his eyes, letting whatever Jasper and Emmett had hit him full force. It seemed like he just waited for it all to be over.

It was time I stepped in. I walked over to the circle.

"Alice, where are you going?" Rose asked me, anxiety filling her voice.

"I'm going to stop them, Rose." My voice was flat, trying to keep my emotions out of this.

"No! If you stop them, I won't get to beat Edward." She leapt forward, but I stopped her. I knew what was coming next, having it seen in one of my visions.

"I told Carlisle I would let everyone know how Bella was." I half turned around, looking at her.

"Fine," She crossed her arms and followed me to where the guys were. I knew my words would stop her, her concern of Bella was bigger than the desire to beat Edward up. And it wasn't like she couldn't do that later.

"Guys, you can stop now. He's given up." My voice had the authority of a mother in it; I knew it would get to them. Esme talked the same way when she wanted them to stop fighting.

"That's why we're not stopping, little sis. He needs to get it through his head he can't do that to anyone. One, because something stupid like this will blow our cover and two, because people will get hurt."

_I knew you would say that._

"I understand that Emmett, but he already knows what he's done. It's Edward, we're talking about. Plus, I want all of us to sit down because I want to let everyone know of Bella's condition."

Edward stiffened and Emmett stopped and turned to me pouting, "Fine."

I bit my lip to hold back my laugh. Emmett really enjoyed this, now he had a good reason for a fight. And because it was Edward, it was even better. Edward always used his mind reading skills to avoid fighting. Now he didn't, probably because he knew he was getting what he deserved.

He plopped down and sat cross-legged. Rosalie sat down on Emmett's lap, with her arms still crossed, and I sat on Jasper's lap. Rosalie rested her head on Emmett's shoulder, but she was still tense, and she refused to look at Edward.

"So?" Emmett asked impatiently, tapping his fingers on Rose's shoulder.

"Well," I started staring at the ground, "she.." I could hardly get it out, it hurt so much to see my best friend looking like that. Though I understood Edward better now, I still got angry when I even thought about the fragile state Bella was in now.

"Do you want me to say it Alice?" Jasper whispered in my ear. He sent a wave of calm over my, trying to relieve me from my nerves. It worked, and I took a deep breath.

"No. I can do it."

"Okay," He kissed my temple and wrapped his arms around me. He squeezed a bit, and rested his chin on my shoulder while I told my siblings the latest news.

"Bella's in a coma."

Rose gasped and Emmett smashed his fist in the ground in anger. He snarled, and I didn't need to be in empathy to know _exactly_ how angry he was.

"Do you see what you did, you ass?" He punched Edward's leg, but Edward remained still, with his eyes closed. His expression was pained, but he seemed to try to keep himself under control. I could see no further fight, I knew it was over. For now.

"There's more," I whispered.

"How much more?" Emmett yelled, his eyes wide and filed with anger and worry.

I jumped back into Jasper's chest, startled a little by Emmett's tone. He never used it, and it showed us exactly what he felt.

"Emmett, knock it off! It's hard for her to say this," Jasper said, still rubbing my back and sending waves of calm.

"She might have.." _Just take a deep breath and say it, Alice,_ "…memory loss."

Edward got up from the ground and walked towards the house, running his fingers through his hair. He shook his head for a moment, closed his eyes and balled his fists. He repeated the same thing a couple of times before he sat down again, a few yards away from us.

"Edward," I whispered. I felt Jasper's arm tighten around me, and I turned to see his face with sadness etched on it.

"It will be okay," he said. His voice was calm, demanding it from me.

I knew that it will be okay. I saw it. The only thing I wasn't sure was whether or not I saw normal Bella or amnesiac Bella. I couldn't tell and it killed me. I wanted to know if she remembered what an ass Edward was, so she could see what kind of monster he truly was.

My eyes traveled to Rose, whose face was unmoving with shock. I looked up at Emmett, who held the same expression, except with more anger.

_I should say something to help them._

"We should go to the hospital to see her. Maybe talk to her and see if she'll wake up."

Rose and Emmett broke out of their trance and nodded. I got up out of Jasper's lap and walked towards the car with everyone behind me. Edward followed silently, his expression still pained.

I didn't feel sorry for him. He got what he deserved.

**~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*****~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*****~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*****~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~***

**A/N:**

**Okay, so Edward got what he deserved as well as some mental torture from Alice's news. Personally, I don't feel bad for him. He got himself into this torture. I also hope that this clears up what Alice did when she left the hospital--she met with Edward.**

**Secondly, I want to start updating the story on a weekly basis. So every Sunday--hopefully, no promises,though!!-- you will get an update.**

**Lastly, I am proud to announce that from when I started this story in March to last month, I have had a total of 2,851 visitors!! I am ecstatic and maybe a little disappointed. I wish that the people that don't review, begin to review. So as a start, let's see if I can get 10 reviews, and we'll work from there. They should be with ease since a lot of you read my story.**

**If you do it, I can post the next chapter, which has already been typed and beta'd aleady. I was told by my beta, herself that it's the best written chapter so far, so if you want to experience it, give me what I want most, and I will gladly return the favor!!**


	13. A Broken Bella

**A/N:**

**So today, I received the tenth review from ori2172921 *applause*. Okay, I'm lying, I only got 7, but I'll take what I can get. My gratitude goes out to the others that reviewed: crazyperson17, vampiregurl, suyapa, ElCullen, Ragdoll-Ranny, and erica scriven.**

**You guys deserve this chapter. It's very meaningful and shows a side of Edward that hasn't been seen yet.  
**

**And make sure you read the A/N on the bottom. :)  
**

**Enjoy and thank you once again to those that reviewed. You keep my story alive!  
**

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

**EPOV**

I drove in my own car to the hospital. I needed to have some time to myself to digest what Alice had just told us.

_Bella is in a coma._

The words mocked me and I had no way of retaining them, nor did I try to. I let them come along with the pain of realization what I caused Bella. I knew how frail she was, and yet I didn't think. I can't even imagine how Bella's frail image will look like now. I am not even sure if her face is how it was. Are the proportions of her beautiful face the same as I see in my head?

I gripped the steering wheel of my car with as much force I can exert.

I'd gladly take any offer I'd get to change places with her. At least I would know that I had a better chance of living, but I knew as well as anyone else that it would never happen.

My fingers ran through my hair on an impulse to attempt to calm me down. It wouldn't work. It didn't have the same results from when Bella did it. Her soft, pale fingers had a stronger effect than my cold ones would ever have.

The way she would twist and twirl my golden hair mindlessly was magical. It was almost as if I had Tinkerbell dusting me with her fairy dust.

My hands do no such thing. They are the hands of a monster whose main purpose is to cause harm. They should never be near the ones of little strength because of the damage they know they can cause.

I hurt Bella with these hands that I promised nonstop to be gentle with. I broke that promise and now it jeopardized her life.

If there is a God, he will let Bella get through this because she deserves to. It is then will I go through the torture I deserve from my Bella. As much as it may hurt, I would rather her ignore me for the rest of her life than to have her die from my own doing.

I know that if she does wake up, not only will she be damaged physically, but mentally as well. At it kills me to know that she will wake up and not remember a damn thing that's happened!

Bright lights lightened my tinted windows as I roughly pulled into an open space.

Slamming my car door on the way out, I made my way into the hospital.

I made a bee-line straight to reference desk, where a male nurse was sitting.

_Thank God, it wasn't a female. I really am not in the mood to deal with them._

The man noticed me and smiled, "Oh hey, Edward!! Long time no see!"

"Hey, Thomas. Where's Carlisle?"

"Uh, hold on, let me check." He concentrated on the computer screen in front of him, while trying to find my father's schedule.

My fingers impatiently tapped on the desk.

"He's about to head into surgery," he responded, his blue eyes on mine.

Plan B.

"Can you give me the room number for Isabella Swan?"

"Yeah, give me a minute."

He quickly typed something into the computer and made a few clicks before responding. "She's in recovery, room 302."

He threw me a visitor's pass and the electronic doors opened for me.

I ran through the doors with human-like speed in an attempt to seem normal to the elevator.

_This will take too long. I need to take the stairs._

Running to the third floor didn't take long, but as I got closer to Bella, I felt my anxiety building up with each step.

I knew where her room was and when I got there, I couldn't find the strength to open the door. I couldn't imagine what was behind this door, the sight I would see. I knew either way, it would be bad, but I didn't want it to be. I had a silent prayer that what was lying behind this door was a peacefully sleeping Bella. The same Bella I saw at night when I held her close to my chest, the same Bella I would see when she was passed out on the couch from my simple touch.

With all the strength inside me, I clasped onto the door handle and turned. Placing enough pressure on the door, I pushed it open before looking at the sight ahead of me.

The room was dark and the only thing illuminating it was the heart monitor that let me hear the steady melody that I have grown to love.

I walked over with cautious steps until I stood by the bedside of my sleeping angel. I felt the pain I caused her when I saw one half of her face covered in gauze and bandage tape.

_Fuck._

A growl viciously erupted from my throat as I turned away and kicked the plastic chair that lied by her bedside. My hands clutched at both sides of my hair and pulled as hard as I could, hoping to cause me some type of pain to myself. Anything that would make me experience anywhere close to the physical pain Bella had experienced.

I turned back to the pale sleeping beauty and fell to my knees, letting tearless sobs erupt as I examined her.

Nothing was right with her anymore. Her once beautiful, pale skin was as pale as someone who was dead, and her beautiful brown locks had no life or lust to it. She looked broken and dead and it was my entire fault!

I laid my head by her hand and in anticipation of her fingers to run through my hair, but it didn't come and I felt empty. I felt like my only purpose for living was no longer here and I had screwed it up. I screwed up what made this life vivid and fruitful and at this point, I didn't know what to do. My body fell limp and I just wished that there was some way to end my misery.

"Bella," I called out to her, but she didn't respond. I knew she wouldn't but I could try for my sanity.

"Bella! Wake up for me, please! Wake up!!" Pulling her hand to my face I placed a kiss, the sobs continuing.

"I'm sorry. I was stupid and I should've never hurt you. You are worth more than anything else to me. I'm sorry, I didn't mean for it to happen like this. I just…I don't know what happened to me and I didn't mean to take it out on you. I lied to you and hurt you and I am kicking myself in the ass for it. Just, please, don't die. Don't die."

I sat up and cupped her cheek, running my thumb over her only exposed eyelid.

"Baby, please, wake up."

"Edward," someone faintly called out. I didn't care who it was at this point in time. I just want to be my Bella and me. I need this time with her, because maybe, just maybe, she would wake up.

"Please, wake up. I said I was sorry. What else do you want?" My thumb traced from her eyelid to her cheek and instantly remembered her blush. She may not have thought it as her worst asset, but I saw it as beautiful and unique. It was something that didn't need to be perfected by something synthetic.

It was all natural.

I loved it when she would get embarrassed because her cheeks would turn the most beautiful rose color in the world. It's like a baby's color when they first exit the womb.

It was unique.

It was fascinating.

It was Bella and no one could mimic the way she blushed.

My finger explored more and stopped upon her lips, one of her most adored assets. I loved how when she slept peacefully in my arms, how they would go into a pout and be slightly ajar. I loved how they felt when I ran my finger over it and how when she chewed on it out of nervousness, it would turn cherry red. My favorite is when I kissed them. The softness and the warmth they gave off.

It made me feel like I was floating on air, and I was lucky to be the only one to have experienced it.

And if only she would wake up and let me see a smile reach her lips, I might be even luckier.

"Please, wake up for me." I said in a whisper.

I felt a hesitant hand be placed upon my shoulder, but I ignored it. I wished the person away, to leave me to my own misery.

"Bella."

"Edward."

"Bella, please…"

"Edward, it's okay."

"No it's not! Why would you say that to me? You know what I did."

"And I understand that, but she's not going to wake up because of what you're saying."

"She might if I try hard enough, Alice. She might. I just have to have a little faith."

"It may not happen the way you want it to. It is when Bella is ready that she will wake up. In her state now, she might not wake up anytime soon." Disappointment colored her tone.

I cringed. I didn't want to think that she might not wake up anytime soon. I wanted it to be tonight. I might even make an exception for tomorrow. I just don't know how I am going to live knowing that she may or may not wake up.

"Alice, I don't want to think like that. I just want to be able to embrace her like I used to. I want to be able to provide her with the protection and security like I did before."

"Edward, what you are failing to understand is that you would've still been able to do that if you told her the truth from the get go. Sure, Bella may have been upset, but she eventually would've forgiven you. Now that you let it get this far, I'm not sure she ever will."

"I know."

"And if you're going to fix this problem, you need to start before she wakes up."

I hesitated. I knew Alice was right. She was never wrong and there would be no point in denying her now.

I rose up onto my feet, never taking my eyes off of Bella. Leaning forward, I placed a tender kiss upon her lips and turned to face Alice. Her face was so miserable; I never thought it could be that way for someone so perky and alive.

Running my fingers through my hair, I gave her a quick, 'thank you' and nod and walked out of the room, not looking back.

I part of my plan. I knew it wasn't going to be easy, nor did I ever think it was going to be. took the elevator this time, thoroughly thinking through how I was going to go about the second

The 'ding' from the elevator interrupted my silent thoughts, and I quickly exited.

I walked through the electric doors and placed my visitor's pass on the reference desk as I walked by.

As I made my way to the front doors, I passed the waiting room. There sitting in the corner, were Rose, Jasper, and Emmett. Their faces empty, with no signs of emotion. Emmett spotted me and I heard the growl that escaped his throat, but I ignored it easily, and made my way out the doors to the parking lot.

Spotting my Volvo, I ran to it at impeccable speeds and jumped into the front seat, revving the engine in the same moment. I knew what I had to do. I just hoped that this didn't backfire on me. It might even endanger Bella if it did. If anything, I was doing this for Bella, so I can hopefully claim her as 'mine' again.

I put the car in reverse, and as I did, I began part two of my plan.

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

**A/N:**

**So, yeah, there is the side of Edward that you've never seen. His shell is beginning to crack and he knows what has to be done.**

**Those that review get a sneak peek, those that don't will wait for me to post the chapter, whenever that may be.  
If I get 10, the update will be much faster, if I don't, I won't mind taking my time with it.  
**

**Lastly, I want to thank Ragdoll-Ranny for basing her Bella and Edward action off of mine. :) It's entitled, Ye Olde England, so you guys check that out!**

**Love you all :)**


	14. Memories

**Okayy, so chapter 14 is finally here!! :) I've been having a few difficulties these past few weeks. And I must tell you, that my flashdrive broke two weeks ago and ALL my FF chapters and upcoming stories are gone :'( So I have to rewrite a whole outline for this story and I haven't been writing as much as before, so the idea isn't clear in my mind but more than likely, if I sat down and really thought about it, I could rewrite the outline.**

**So, that being said, here's your long awaited chapter!! I hope you like :) Read the A/N on the bottom please :)**

* * *

**EPOV**

Determination.

It was the feeling I had felt when I had left my Bella; it was the same feeling I had when I had come up with this plan. I was even more determined than I had ever been in my 117 years of living and it was because of the reason behind it.

Bella.

Everything I did in the day or had thought about revolved around her. And I must say the memories behind them are worth every second I had with her. It was the time where I understood myself and Bella knew who I was.

This was before I had panic attacks of losing Bella due to what lied hidden in the darkness that was my past. It was never something that I thought would coincide with the present time. It was something I thought I would be able to open up about when I was mentally ready and I believed Bella could handle it.

I had everything planned out when everything crash landed a few hours ago. Now I've been placed into a situation where anything in my past is the cause of the now. It is the cause of the events that are taking place and is about to take place. And what is about to take place is the key that releases the chains that tie me to the old, and it brings me closer to fixing my mistakes and having a better future not only for myself, but for Bella.

I looked around the airport bobbled with heads of various people: business men and women making their arrival or departure; young children being held close by overprotecting mothers; airport security in their blue uniforms, keeping a watchful eye on the passer-buyers; and then there was me, Edward Cullen, standing in the middle of it all. Just watching as my eternal life passed me by.

I pushed lightly through the crowd of people and made my way over to the terminal and saw my plane boarding. Walking through the narrow tunnel toward and onto, I made my way to first class seating and sat down.

I buckled the lap belt and then closed my eyes and for the first time in years, take time to realize what was happening in my life.

_I am a monster._

_My family turned against me._

_Tanya blackmailed me._

_I hurt Bella._

Things were never supposed to get this far. Bella was never supposed to find out this way. How did I let things get this far?

Where did it begin?

_Flashback: 1 year ago_

It early Friday morning and I had just come back from taking another "break" and Alice had to hold Bella hostage. As much as she hated it, it was my only way to keep her safe.

I was relaxing on my lounge chair, hands behind my tousled hair, gazing at the white ceiling, trying to note something of significance on it. I did this quite often when I came back from Tanya's. As to why, I would never know.

Was it because the ceiling held no color, so therefore I would be able to clear my mind of the secret I'm keeping from Bella or was it because I would know that I will be visiting Tanya again very soon?

Either way, Bella can never find out. This will crush her. It will crush me to know that it crushed her.

What will she think of me if she were to find out: A cheater, a liar, a toy?

No. She must never find out.

Removing my right hand from under my arm, I glanced at my wristwatch.

_6:45._ _I need to change my clothes and be at Bella's house by 7:05._

Flipping off the chair, I walked to my closet.

_What should I wear today? I could wear my blue button down_, I brought the arm of the fabric to me, _or I could go for a casual look today. Hmm, casual I will do. But what color shirt should I wear? Green, no. Red, no, too….bloody-looking. Blue? No, I wear that color almost every day. Black? No, I'm pale enough, no need to look Goth. Grey? Ah, what the hell._

I pull the short-sleeved shirt from the hanger and throw it on the lounger. Turning back to my closet, I focused my attention to the lower half.

_What kind of jeans? Skinny? Hell, no!! I still want to know why Alice even bought those for me, when I clearly told her I was NEVER going to wear them. That damn pixie!_

_Okay, so regular jeans. Blue jeans?? No, stay away from blue!! Black jeans?? Hmmm, I might be getting somewhere. Okay black jeans with the chain or no chain? Chain, no chain, chain, no chain, chain….no chain. _I grab the jeans off the hanger and turn and walk back to my lounger.

Quickly stripping off my old clothes, I throw on the clothes I had just set out and grab some black sneakers to throw on too. Going to my wall mirror, I look at my appearance and was not happy at what I saw.

_Damn! I look Goth. This is not what I wanted!!_

Taking a quick look at my wrist watch, I noted that I didn't have much time to change. I would have to deal.

Quickly grabbing my keys, I ran out of my room and downstairs.

"Good morning, honey," Esme greeted when I reached the foot of the stairs.

"Good morning, Esme," I said as I gave her a quick hug before rushing out to the garage.

Flicking on the lights, I watched as the lights turned on one by one, illuminating each car: Mercedes, BMW, Jeep, Porsche, and Volvo. My precious baby: the only thing that comes first before Bella.

Jogging my way over, I jumped into the driver's seat and started the ignition. As the garage door rose, I watched as the grey clouds captured the sky and the drizzle that fell from it. I sped out as soon as I was cleared, going to get my Bella.

_I haven't seen her in a week. I hope she isn't upset that I left so suddenly. I know it was the third time in two weeks but, I don't think she worried about it to much._

"_But you didn't return any of her texts and phone calls any of the times you left,"_ my conscious reminded me.

Riiiight, I forgot about that. Knowing her, she's mad, but everyone knows that won't last long anyways, so I don't care. I should though.

I turned the corner and almost immediately spotted the all-too-familiar house. Right on the curb, stood a figure. Shivers overtook her frame.

_Why the hell is she out in the rain?!?_

I pulled up next to her and she almost forced herself to get in the car. I turned the heat up, full blast.

"Hey," I started, turning in her direction.

She had her arms crossed, anger apparent in her features. She looked straight ahead and didn't say a word to me.

"Bella, I'm sorry for leaving again. I had something pop up that I had to take care of."

"We're going to be late to school."

I chuckled, "Bella, I could get there in two minutes if I really wanted to. We have 20 minutes left until school starts."

She heavily sighed, making it apparent she had no interest to talk.

"Bella, what's wrong?"

"I don't want to talk about it Edward, just take me to school."

"Not until you talk to me."

"Well I guess, we'll be sitting here all day then."

"Bella, don't do this."

"Do what, Edward? You disappear for the third time in two weeks without any notice, and come back when you feel like. And you don't answer my phone calls, so what am I doing wrong?" She yelled as she threw her hands in the air, still avoiding looking my way.

"I never said you were doing anything wrong, I just want you to talk to me."

"I am," she crossed her arms again.

"I told you, where I was, what more do you want?" I felt the anger well up inside of me.

"I want the fucking truth Edward!! I'm not stupid. I know you're hiding something from me," I saw as the tears started to well up in her chocolate eyes. Her face was a complete rosy color.

"Bella, I'm not doing anything! Stop being small-minded and just listen!"

"Listen to what Edward? You haven't given me anything but some damn excuses!"

"And I do it, because I don't have to explain a damn thing to you. You aren't worth an explanation!"

Her face turned to me, filled with astonishment. The tears spilled over, and she reached over to her side and unbuckled her seat belt. Her hand softly touched the door and simultaneously pushed it ajar. Stepping a foot out of the car she used her left hand to lift up her backpack and once it was secured on her shoulder, and closing the door behind her.

I watched as the rain darkened and dampened her hair, and she made no effort to run into her house. Once safely in her house, I turned toward the windshield, and tightly squeezed my eyes shut.

_What the fuck just happened?_

I felt my hands slam on the steering wheel, and then nothing. Everything became void in that moment and I didn't want it. I wanted Bella, sitting next to me, smiling, and telling me all about her past weeks. I wanted to hold her hand on the middle console, I wanted to hold her backpack while walking into school, and I wanted to walk her to class.

I…I wanted to taste the sweetness that fell from her lips as she did the same to my cold ones.

_You've really screwed up Cullen._

I sighed heavily before opening my eyes, and spotting an all-to-familiar Porsche coming my way.

_Aw shit. You're in for it now Cullen._

The bright car pulled into the driveway behind me. The door opened and a head full of spiky hair was produced from it. A yellow umbrella was opened over her head and she closed her car door.

Turning in the direction of my car, she made her way over and opened the door.

"Cullen," she spoke with fierceness. I looked up at her and didn't like what I saw, but what I saw was scary.

_Note to self: Never upset Bella because when you do, you get an angry pixie hot on your ass._

"What do you want, Alice?" I said exasperated.

"Oh, nothing, I just came over to let you know that you're an ass."

"Thank you for the news flash. Anything else?" My tone dripped with sarcasm. I wanted her away from me and my car. I needed to be by myself and she wasn't helping at all by being here.

She took her pointer finger and sat it on her chin, looking as if she was thinking, "Uh, no, I don't believe so, but I wanted to let you know earlier that I _love_ your outfit."

"Alice, shut the hell up and get the fuck away from my car."

"See you at school brother dearest," she said with fake glee.

Slamming the door she ran to the Bella's front door and knocked. It was then I had to leave. I didn't want to see Bella. Revving my engine and putting the gear in drive, I sped off and went to school.

School was complete hell for me. Bella avoided me at what seemed like all costs. She even didn't sit next to me at lunch. The only time I spoke to her was during Biology. I sent her notes and she simply ignored them.

When school ended, I walked out to see her, standing at the passenger side of my car. I instantly remembered that my siblings each had something to do after school today and I would be her only ride home.

I took brisk steps to the car. Upon reaching the driver's side, I looked up at Bella, just to let my eyes fall over her. Depression and betrayal was clearly displayed on her face. Her position on the other side of the car shifted and her eyes met mine for the first time all day. Almost immediately, she looked back down. The moment was short-lived but at least she acknowledged that I was here.

Unlocking the doors, I slid in, and I heard Bella sit right beside me.

_Should I try to make conversation or should I just drive her home and call it a day?_

I don't know. I just want to make the right decision and right now, those options are really limited.

_Just suck it up and talk to her. She is the way she is because of you._

Well, I guess there's the answer to my problems.

I sighed. Well here goes nothing.

"Bella, please talk to me."

"Are you gonna start the car? I have things I have to do."

"Bella, you don't ever have anything to do."

She turned to me, forehead crinkled and her wide brown eyes narrowed, "Yes, Edward, I do. I'm sorry I can't sit around and wait for you hand and foot, but you know, I want to live a somewhat happy life since you won't change me. I would like to do something fun other than sit in my room and cry over you. Unlike you, I have an hourglass over my head and it's slowly running out. Now take me home."

"I said I was sorry, what else do you want?"

"I think what I want was just made clear a few seconds ago."

I growled, "Bella, I'm not taking you home until you talk to me."

"Well then, I'm walking home." She unbuckled her seatbelt, grabbing her backpack in her left hand and pushed the door open with her right. Stepping out of the car, she slammed the car door and began walking to the entrance of the parking lot.

I got out of the car.

"Bella, get back in the car."

She kept walking.

Dammit Bella.

"BELLA!" I shouted.

She stopped, turned in my direction, and lifted her right hand, her middle finger up for me to see. That was it. I sped until I was in front of her. I grabbed her hand and forced it down.

"What the hell is wrong with you?" I shouted.

"Let go of my hand."

"No! I did nothing all day but try and talk to you and you did nothing but blow me off. I tried to explain things to you earlier but you flipped out."

"You're mad because I blew you off? Edward you left me in the middle of the week for the third time this week with no explanation of where you were, when you were leaving, or what you were going to do. You don't answer my phone calls or my texts messages and then you come back and expect me to talk to you?"

"I came back to you! It shouldn't matter where I was as long as I came back. I thought that was important to you?" _At least that's what I thought._

"Edward, get off me, it hurts."

"No, I want you to talk to me. Let me make up for not being there."

"Get off of me!" Her face became a cherry red, and tears streamed down her eyes. I let go of her hand and watched as it fell back to her side.

She lifted the same arm to her face and I watched as she examined her hand. It didn't move.

_Aw, fuck, Cullen. You broke her wrist._

I reached out my hand to help her, but she drew back from me and then cradled her arm with her left hand, before going around me. I heard her feet move farther and farther away from me.

I stood there for a couple more minutes trying to decipher the events that just took place.

What did I just do?

I shook my head and made my way to my car. I pulled the door ajar and turned in Bella's direction. I watched as she took careful steps along the sidewalk across the street.

Is this what we've come to? Her back turned against me? Her trust and truthfulness in me lost? Where do we go from here?

More questions filled my head as I got in and revved the engine of my car and pulled out, turning on a different road than Bella and back to catch a plane back to Alaska.

_End Flashback_

That's where it began. That's the first time I hurt Bella both physically and emotionally. Things should have been different. I should have told her everything, my whole past. I ruined it, and there's a chance she may never even remember anything. Then there's the chance that she will remember and won't want to forgive me.

What will I do then?

If that time does come, I would be very lucky if she even looked in my direction just once or if she spoke my name again.

I lifted the shade on the airplane window, the ground no less than 10 feet below me.

"We would like to thank you for flying the US Continental. We hope you enjoyed your flight. Please stay seated until we have come to a complete stop," the pilot spoke.

I heard as the wheels touched the ground and skidded as the plane tried to slow its speed.

Anxiety filled my body for the first time. I was going to stand up for my life and Bella against Tanya for the first time and it felt…good. Joy was something I haven't had for a while and now that I'm so close to grabbing it, seeing it, and tasting it, I felt filled with jubilance.

I looked up and saw the people had begun exiting off the plane. I unbuckled my lap belt and stood up, trying to hold back my impatience as I had to wait to get in line.

A woman was next in line. She had a son that could be no more than about three. She stopped when she saw me. Giving a friendly smile, she nodded her head toward the line.

"Thank you ma'am," I told her.

"You're welcome."

Getting in the line, I walked off the plane and into the terminal. I walked at a human pace as fast as I could. I was out of the airport in about 10 minutes and already in my Volvo that slept in the airport. Yep, I had two. I come here so often that it only made sense that I bought one. It was a waste to have a rental.

Revving up the engine, I pulled out of the airport parking lot. I sped down the familiar roads, closing in on my destination.

I made a sharp right down a hidden road and rode it out until I saw the house that had been my vacation house for the past couple of years.

Abruptly stopping, I took the key from the ignition, and jumped out of the car. I walked up the driveway and on the porch steps where the porch light brightly shone.

I hesitantly lifted my hand and knocked on the door.

I didn't wait long before the door opened and Tanya stood before me a Cheshire smile on her face.

"Edward!!" She opened her arms and came towards me, trying to give me a hug.

I placed my hand on her collarbone and stopped her from proceeding. Her smile shifted downwards at my move.

"Edward what's wrong?"

It was time. I couldn't chicken down again. Not after everything that's happened. I need to do this for my family, for me, and most importantly _for Bella._

I took a deep breath, and looked Tanya in the eyes before finding my voice.

"Tanya," I said firmly, "I'm done."

* * *

**A/N:**

**So yeah, I left you guys on the edge of your seat and so anxiously wanting to know what happens between Edward and Tanya. Let me tell you, patience is a virtue. ;)**

**I just noticed that I forgot to upload a chapter, and that could probably explain why some of you are soo confused. So go back and read the uploaded, what was supposed to be Chapter 11. Sorry about that!!**

**I don't know when the next chapter will be done, especially with all the work I have at school, but if you're lucky, you might get it Thanksgiving weekend (for my international readers, the weekend of November 27th).**

**So leave me some love!!**

**Mwahhh!!**


	15. Awake My Sleeping Bella

**I'm back! And alive might I add. I'm so sorry to have kept you all waiting! I just finished my sophomore year of high school and between work and sports, it was pretty hectic and I had no time to do anything! (Those that know what a track schedule is like might be able to understand). **

**First off, I want to point out to many that I changed my pen name (formerly x0xfantasyxxdreamerx0x). It was a pain to write and type so I made something simpler and I like it. **

**Next, I was absolutely blown away by the Eclipse movie. It was my favorite book of the series and so I was beyond excitement and words when I saw the finished product. Absolutely ah-mazing. There are so many things that were brought out in the movie and I was pleased. And what makes it even better for me was that ALL of my favorite scenes and moments from the novel were brought out and played out for me on screen and I (along with my best friend) had butterflies and had plenty of hyperventilating moments. And, since I'm Team Edward and Team Taylor Lautner (not Jacob!) when they both came on-screen (esp. Taylor) I was the first person to scream haha and considering that my best friend hates Jacob/Taylor with an undenying passion, I got hit...a lot. haha. But moving on...**

**As I told you guys before my flashdrive with all my FF work broke a few months back, which included the outline for my whole story. I was going to press the story for 30-something chapters but since I don't exactly remember what was on it, I had to reread my story and make a new outline. With that being said, the new outline stops somewhere in the mid-20s. I'm really sorry about that but, unforunately, things happen and some can't be fixed. **

**But anyways, here's the new chapter. It's shorter than most but you'll understand why. (:**

**Enjoy!**

* * *

I was drowning. Deep, slow, and uncontrolled. The light ahead, was clear in my vision. The bubbles came out from my flared nostrils.

I'd tried so many times.

And I failed.

I wanted nothing but to come out from the darkness. I've been there for what seemed like decades. I kept propelling myself time after time, only to sink down right after each frail attempt.

I needed to do this.

The water, with which I was surrounded and submerged, was black and opaque. I was a blind child.

I don't know what I would do to get myself out of the frigid temperatures that became my second home.

I tried to swim to the light, going farther than the last attempt, but the darkness devoured me yet again.

Anxiety.

Frustration.

Defeat.

Failure.

All of which had taken over. I closed my eyes and was ready to let the darkness gorge me in deeper. So deep I had hoped that I wouldn't come out of it. I felt myself sink and I just let it happen. I find no need fight my destiny, if this is what's it's come to.

Thinking back, I've fought for everything that I wanted, my life included. But when I was here, in the depths of nowhere, I couldn't.

I was weak.

My body was ready to give up. I'd pushed it for so long, trying to get myself to freedom. Time after helpless time, and yet, I only went deeper into nothingness.

The air in my chest, pushed out of me, as the pressure, continued to force me down. I couldn't breathe, but I figured, the death would only be as pacific as I made it.

My body, recognizing my choice, panicked, trying to get me to breathe. I wouldn't let it. I was fighting against my own body, to let me die, but yet it wouldn't give. It fought me. It strived to live, for whatever the purpose, but I held my ground.

I zoned. The popping in my ears began to disappear and I slowly began to lose all feeling within my body. A wicked smile spread.

I win this battle and this was the end of it.

I felt my body give up, and my heart, ringing in my head, slowed and then stopped.

I came back soon after with the sudden jerk of my chest.

"_Bella!"_ It was faint, but I heard it. But I felt my heart stop the same minute.

My chest jerked again.

"_Bella, NO! Please, don't die. Fight. I know you can."_

I faintly heard the high voice.

"_Damn it Bella! Stay awake. Everyone here is fighting for you. We want you to wake up, please, don't die."_

"_Clear!"_

I felt my chest expand and my eyes flew open.

The white light, faint, was still there.

"_Bella!"_ I heard my voice again.

This was it. I needed to know who it belonged to.

Flipping my body over, I forced my hands down and kicked my feet.

Hands.

Feet.

Hands.

Feet.

The light ahead of me, grew closer. I was getting there. I can't give up.

"_That's right Bella, fight! You can do this."_

Hands.

Feet.

Hands.

I was almost there. I could see through my peripheral the light the light stretched far on both sides. Almost as if no matter, how far I went on either side, the light would be there waiting.

I felt my hand touch the surface.

_This was it._

I closed my eyes, and with one final kick, my head surfaced with force and I breathed in heavily, my first breath of life.

My eyes, tired and heavy, opened and I was awake.

* * *

**So there it is. Bella has finally awaken and what happens next is yet to come. I probably already know your questions but you have to wait until the next chapter to find out what goes down. :P**

**Review!**

**~Chelsea**


	16. The Damage Has Already Been Done

**Hey guys. Sorry for the wait. My beta has been crazy busy and I have been dealing with my ex boyfriend lol (girls, you know how that is). But that's done and I'm free *singing* I wave my hands up in the air sometimes, saying "Ay yo, gotta let go". haha. Well that means more chapters for you guys. And I've been working on many many other stories too. **

**Anyways, this chapter is nice and ready for you. **

**Is it Edward's chapter? Or is it Bella? hmm. Read and find out. ;)**

**Enjoy.**

* * *

My hands flew to my eyes as if to rid them of the blinding light I had awaken to. The air was stale as it hit the back of my swollen throat. I tried to swallow and flinched as the saliva slowly made its way down. I had a numbing feeling on the left side of my face and I raised my non-used hand to touch it but stopped it in the process as it crossed my line of sight. My hand, so heavily wrapped in the tan-colored bandage, made it seem as if it had been swallowed.

What I could see of the fingers that peeked from the top, were sewn on the complete left side of each finger.

_I don't remember having hurt my hand._

I continued the exploration of the unknown numb feeling in my face and allowed both of my hands to feel. My breath caught in my throat as I roamed freely. I only felt plush gauze on every part of this side.

I forcefully brought my hands down on my lap and blankly stared at them with wide eyes. The tears prickled the corners of my eyes and I allowed them to escape as they softly rolled down my half-covered face. I swallowed without warning and flinched at the pain it inflicted.

Allowing my eyes to close, I felt my vulnerability for the first time. It was my fault. I wouldn't be here hadn't it been for my stupidity in confronting my cheating boyfriend. I mean was it worth all this? To be in a hospital, bandaged completely to the point where I had no feeling in anything?

But I wanted it. I wanted it to work out. I hoped it would work out.

I mean, it shouldn't have been hard to admit something like this, should it? How deep must the hole be for a person to stay in hiding for so long?

I sniffled and the more the thoughts and questions came into my head, the guiltier I became in getting myself so involved. Everyone was right from the beginning: I should've stayed away. But there's something that makes the chase, the danger in itself, so appealing. It's like a craving that I wanted to fulfill, something I knew I would get hurt if I got too deep into trying to succumb the feeling.

The tears kept the even flow down the path they created down my face.

Was it worth it? Was it worth the pain? Was it worth the effort? Was it worth losing myself inside this fantasy?

I am at my lowest point and the feeling to run away from this pumped through my veins. The downside of this was the reality that came with it.

I can't run away.

Aro. What would he do if he found out I was no longer with the Cullens? I would definitely be on the hunting list. I would need—no, have to be killed. And after all that I experienced, it wasn't worth it. The fact of the matter was that, I needed to be changed.

Opening my eyes, I let my gaze wander around the room. I hadn't noticed that the entire time I was attempting to sort out my mistake, I was surrounded.

Starting at the left, there stood Carlisle, watching me with careful eyes and even though he had to stay professional, I saw the sadness that lied behind them. Behind him, the medical staff he must have worked with to resuscitate me. Continuing around the room, I saw Emmett. A weak smile spread across his face as he looked at me. Next, clung onto Emmett's arm, was Rose, who for once, stared at me with nothing but understanding that held her eyes. She gave me a nod and then a smile spread across your face.

"You're very lucky," she mouthed. Instantaneously, I understood the meaning behind those words. Next to Rose, Esme stood, with her fingers dwindling. She stared at me with the look of a mother who had failed in the protection her child, even if that was far from the scenario.

Next to her was Jasper, and in his arms Alice. I quickly averted my eyes. They were the only two who I couldn't look at, especially Alice.

There was one person missing, but should that have been surprising? Having my eyes circle the room one more time, I noticed another thing: their eyes. They all held the same dark color. How long had I been out for?

"Bella, how do you feel?" I felt a hand on mine and turned to my left to look at Carlisle.

"I—I don't know how I feel. I don't know what to feel truthfully about this." The words came out scratchy and rough as I spoke.

He looked down as if searching for something else to say and then he brought his head back up and looked into my eyes again, "do you have any pain? Can you feel anything in your face or your head?"

I shook my head.

"Okay, well, I need to look at your vitals." He reached one hand into the right pocket on his coat and pulled out a small flashlight. The light appeared and it was flashed into both of my eyes. Then he turned to the medical team behind him and nodded his head and as he did so, the team retreated for the door.

Carlisle waited until he heard the door close before he spoke again. "Your vitals are good. Better than they were when you came in a couple days ago," he paused and looked down again before he turned his head to look around the room at his family.

"Bella, I'm not exactly sure how much you remember but, the damage done to your face was extensive. When you came in, and I first examined you," he took in a breath. This was just as hard on him as everyone else, "I realized that, the whole left side of your face, caved in. It took a couple hours in surgery to stop the bleeding and then try to put out the pieces of bone and put them back together.

"You're face, doesn't look like how it was before, but if you want, you could get reconstructive surgery to make it look similar to how it did before. It would take a couple of surgeries but—"

"No," I interrupted.

"Ok."

"Where's Edward?"

A growl escaped from Emmett, Rose, Alice, and Jasper. It didn't take me too long before I realized that he was with Tanya again.

"Is he that inconsiderate? Seriously? Did he ever care? That asshole!"

No answer.

"Is it possible that I can finish my healing at your house, Carlisle?"

"Well, yes, but it probably won't be for another 2-3 days. Considering that you just woke up from a coma, we have to put you through many tests before you are allowed to leave."

"That's fine."

I needed to know where I wanted to go from here. Not only from where I'm staying at but also as far as what I should do about Edward.

Squeezing Carlisle's hand I gazed at everyone once again. "Thank you, everyone, for being here. It—it means a lot to me." Esme came over slowly and placed her hand atop my other, "Bella, you're just as much a part of this family now. We're always going to be there for you." She came close and her lips pressed against my temple. I closed my eyes contently and remembered how my mother did the same things when I was a child.

"Thank you Esme," wrapping my arm around her waist, I pulled her in close to give her a hug.

"I, uhm, I want to talk to Rose and Alice, if that's ok with everyone."

Everyone nodded and began to file their way out the room. Rose and Alice made their way towards my bedside.

"I'll go get you some water," Carlisle called out as he left.

The door clicked behind him and the room remained quiet.

"I wanted guidance from the both of you," I started, "I wanted to know what I should do."

"I think you should tear off his—"

"Rose," Alice interrupted, "be serious."

"You think I was bluffing?" Rose snapped.

The quiet came all too fast. Thank you for Carlisle, who came in right after and handed me my water.

"Thank you." He nodded towards me, a soft smile spread across his face, before he walked out again, closing the door behind him.

Taking the straw into my mouth, I sucked in the water. The coolness saturated my dry mouth and eased and relaxed my throat as I swallowed. _Heaven_.

After swallowing a few sips, I placed the water on the desk next to me before I spoke.

"Is he where I think he is?"

Rose answered, "With his ho? Yep."

"That's not what he's there for though," Alice spoke.

"My ass," Rose retorted.

"Seriously, Rosalie? I know what he's there for," she turned to look at me, "he wants to be with you Bella. He's ending things with Tanya, despite the risk."

The risk? What risk?

Before I could ask, Rose spoke. "He wants to be with her? Why? Why would he even waste his time? He let it go this far and after the damage has already been done he decides he wants to be with her?"

"He loves her."

"I don't care Alice. Aren't you thinking this through? Don't you understand the realities of what happened a few days ago? And don't tell me you remember because had it not been for Emmett getting there when he did, you would've killed Bella."

My head snapped up at Alice, "You tried to kill me?"

"It—it was an accident," she whispered.

"Alice—"

"Bella, don't. I'm sorry. I tried to carry you down to the Jeep when Emmett got to your house and I hadn't hunted—we all haven't hunted. I—I just got thirsty and—I'm just sorry Bella. So sorry."

I took her hand and used it to pull her towards me. I embraced her and held her close, "its ok. Don't worry about it."

"But—"

"Don't worry about it."

We stayed like that until she understood that I was forgiving her. The regret would still be there, but as long as she knew it was ok.

She stepped back to her original spot and I watched as her forehead wrinkled together as she thought about her next words, "I think you should talk to him."

"No!" Rose yelled, "She shouldn't do that."

"And why not?"

"Because last time she tried to talk to him she ended up here."

"He's coming around."

"Alice, stop sticking up for him, he doesn't deserve it."

"But he's our brother, Rose! You can't just shun him either! He needs guidance just like Bella does. He's hurting too!"

"But not enough," Rose spat through her teeth.

"Stop it!" I yelled, "this is getting nowhere. I understand that both of you are going through a hard time swallowing this, but I am too. I'm hurting too and this isn't easy and won't get any easier if you guys keep arguing!" I moved my head between them to look at them both.

"Sorry," they both muttered.

"Ok, now we need to put all the facts on the table and move from there," I suggested.

"What do you guys know already that I don't?"

* * *

**Yes, the chapter's over. Yes, I left you on a cliff. Yes, I know you hate that. :P**

**I don't know about you, but I was waiting to use half of Rosalie's lines, which came from a lot of your reviews. So thank you for those that left really angry, frustrated ones. It was a lot of fun taking suggestions. **

**Anyways, next chapter will be up as soon as I can get it beta'd. It's been typed for weeks now. **

**You guys know the drill: Read, Review, Reward **

**Love you guys ,**

**~Chelsea. **


	17. How's That For You?

**Hey everyone! I know it's been a while but sometimes my mind is wandering and sometimes I'm just at a blank for some things. Right now, my wandering mind has given me a storyline for not one, but two other stories, so in addition to TS, I have two other stories that I'm sorting through and organizing ideas for. I have the prologues written for both of them and one is almost done the second chapter. **

**I'm going to be setting up a poll with the titles of both stories and from there, you guys can vote as to which one shall be the next story published after TS is completed. **

**Now, with TS we are approaching the climax and we only have a few more chapters to go!**

**And with that, I present you, Edward.**

* * *

**EPOV**

"What the hell do you mean, _'I'm done'_?" Tanya exploded. Like I knew she would.

"It's exactly what it sounds like," I said coolly. I really wasn't planning to have a fight tonight, but it was also something that was clearly inescapable. I stared at her while she paced the room.

Her silky blond hair bounced on and off her waistline as she paced the room. Her hands found a place on her hips and she took even steps toward and from the length of the room.

_When was this going to be over?_

It wasn't the fact that I was sitting here waiting for her to respond that had gotten me annoyed. It was the fact that I had all her thoughts screaming at me.

"_He can't do this. He's mine. I don't know what he thinks he's going to do, but he's not leaving, even if I have to bind him._"

Fun.

"Let me guess, Edward. That little human bitch has got you all wound up around her little finger? Hmm? Is that what it is? Because you obviously don't love her. You told me that yourself, remember?"

"I do love her," I stated, "with all my heart actually."

This stopped her. She turned to me, a death expression etcher on her porcelain features.

"What was that?" She asked sternly, as she paced herself in my direction.

"I said I _love_ _her_."

Almost as quickly as I finished my line I felt my face go sideways. She slapped me.

"You don't love her. You love me. And if she's becoming a problem, I think I should go and finish her. There will be no you and her, Edward Cullen. You….belong….to me. Or did you forget that?"

I didn't forget. I wish I did. I don't know what I was doing back in my past, but had I known—had I waited, this wouldn't be my problem.

I made a deal with the devil, sold my soul, and now, I can't love who my heart is telling me to.

Bella. If I had told her this, before I had gotten too deep, before I hurt her, this wouldn't be a problem. I shouldn't have put her through this. I've endangered her.

"My body may belong to you, but everything else belongs to Bella."

I felt her grip hold my chin and force my gaze into her golden eyes.

"Everything belongs to me."

"Not…any….more," I spoke through my teeth.

"Oh, really? We'll see about that then," she brought her face up into a wicked smile before turning and walking the opposite direction to her room.

"_You don't belong to me, huh? Well let's see how much that changes when I take her life. You will stick to that agreement and if not, she dies."_ Her mind was loud and ringing in my ears. I wouldn't let her. She won't get near her.

"You will not go near her, Tanya," I got up and stood behind her. She stopped walking, and turned agilely around.

She brought her hand up and slowly began to caress the side of my face, her face softening. "Oh Edward, watch me," she whispered. "If you want, you can be there too, to watch as I strap her to a chair and rip her limb from limb as she helplessly screams in utter pain. Her blood, spattered along the floor and the walls. You can watch me gouge her eyes out, cut off all her fingers and toes, and anything made of cartilage. Watch me break all of her bones, slowly, and hear my laugh above her screams. Then you can watch me, drain her and then set.. her…aflame. How's that for you?"

She opened her pursed lips and entered a maniacal laugh. As if to mock me at how much control she had, how I was to be her little dog and obey every command she gave me.

And yet, I knew, I couldn't do anything about it.

I was willing to try though, even at all costs.

"So baby, are you going to help me do this or are you going to watch? Either way, she must be killed. Your feelings for her have expanded far past your limit, and I can't have her surpassing me."

That was it. I couldn't handle this anymore. The vivid picture of Tanya ripping Bella apart and Bella's harsh cries for help, played over and over in my head. I couldn't let this happen.

_Damn it. You let this happen Cullen and now you need to fix it._

"Tanya," my voice was hard. I couldn't let her see my vulnerability. She'd only use it to my advantage and if it got that far, I knew for certain Bella would be dead.

"Yes my baby."

"If you touch one hair on her head, one bone in her body, or any skin that covers it all, I will kill you." I felt insides glower in triumph. I was going to fight to protect her, even if—even if at this point I didn't deserve her. And I sure as hell didn't after all I put her through.

"It's settled then," Tanya smiled and then turned to walk into her room, closing the door behind her.

I turned away from her and rushed out the front door to the car waiting in front. I needed to get home and create a plan before Tanya came. I had to let everyone know. I had to get to Bella.

I only hope she would be awake by the time I get there.

I began to pull out of the driveway and onto the road that lead back to the highway. Taking one last look into my rearview, I saw her, staring through the shade, her face smiling at me as she waved at me.

I turned onto the highway and raced to the airport. Thought after thought coming in my head and drowning me.

_Do I go to the hospital first? Do I go home first? Should I tell the others to be ready? When and how do I tell Bella? Will she be willing to listen to me after everything? Is she already over everything I put her through? Will she forgive me? Will she leave me? Will she stay after I tell her that I broke things off with Tanya? _

So many questions, so little time. I needed answers and yet I don't know where I want to start everything.

_I think I should go to the house first to get the others aware of the situation, then go see Bella. But I really want to see her. I want to see her eyes again. I want her to _love _me again._

I fucked up so bad, really bad.

Hours had passed and I was finally pulling up to the Cullen mansion. The lights illuminating through every window except mine on the highest level. Parking the Volvo into the garage, I had to decide where to enter the house.

_The front door? No. They know I'm here and I'm not really willing to get my ass beat again._

_The garage door? No._

I walked out the garage and looked up at my room window.

_Bingo._

I jumped up, the air gushing through my hair and my open button down flying behind me. I stood on the ledge and with little force, used my hand to push my window in. Stepping in, I slowly closed my window and examined my room. Everything was still in order, not like I was expecting it to be any different. I took a deep whiff of the air that surrounded me.

Sweet strawberry and lavender filled the place. All belonging to her, the girl I love, and willing to save from Tanya's claws.

I walked to the shelves on my wall that held my endless collection of music. From the 1900s to today, each record and CD, held a special place in my heart. I turned on the CD played that hung in between the shelves and allowed the sweet melody of Claire de Lune fill the room. It brought me back to when I had first time I had brought Bella to my house.

"_No bed?" _I smiled at her words as they echoed through my head. Her face was just as vivid in my mind. It was almost if she were standing in front of her. Her forehead, creased in several spots as she tried to decipher a great mystery.

_God I love her._

I turned around and there was the bed. The bed she tried to figure out why I never had; the bed she so strongly objected to sleeping in; the bed she tried to seduce me in.

"_Why do you so strongly object to this bed? I like it and I thought you might want to something to sleep comfortably in." I stared her in her eyes, something hidden, I didn't know what._

"_Well now that you're here, I guess I can see how comfortable it is," she said, a sly smile on her face._

"_I think you could've seen that from the beginning, without me, had you slept in it."_

"_Not necessarily. You see," she chewed on her bottom lip, her gaze looking down to my chest, then back into my eyes as her eyes got dark, "I figured we could test this lovely bed out. The stability might not be good enough."_

I laughed. I sat down on the bed, running my hand across the cool sheets and across the fluffy pillows. The feel reminded me of Bella's skin: soft. I never wanted to let her go every time I held her. The feel of her was so good. And her hair was the same way. All the nights I slept with her, my face stayed in her hair. It smelled so good that I was willing to drink in as much as I could before the night was over.

_That may never happen again._

I ran my hands through my hair. _I might not feel her run her hands through my hair again, either._

Why? Why did I do this to myself? To her?

"Of all people!" I threw my hand down on the bed. The frame made a small noise.

"Edward?"

I looked up, my eyes meeting with Alice's sad ones. She came over and sat down on the bed next to me. She already knew and didn't speak. I silently thanked her.

"She woke up tonight," she whispered.

I felt my eyes widen as I turned to face her, "She did?"

"Yes," she smiled warmly at me and I felt one come across my face then disappear just as quick as it came.

"What?" Alice asked worriedly.

"You didn't see it yet?" I questioned.

"I haven't seen anything yet. What's going on?"

"Tanya is planning on coming to Forks, to kill Bella." I heard a gasp I continued anyway, "She thinks Bella has made me forget who I'm supposed to love and she also thinks that Bella's control over me is affecting me too much."

"The agreement right?"

I nodded, "I wish I never did it. I wish I just steered clear. Now, I put Bella in even more danger."

"Well she asked about what happened with you."

My eyes went to Alice's and I quickly grabbed her wrists, "Alice, I pray to God, you didn't say anything to her."

"I didn't. I told her that it was better from her to hear it from your mouth what was going on."

I let out the breath I didn't even realize I was holding. I couldn't face Bella if she knew before I told her.

"Thank you," I breathed.

"You're welcome, Edward," she paused, "I think you should tell everyone what's going on. So they can be prepared and so someone can keep watch on Bella."

I nodded and then stood up and began my way to the door, Alice on my heels.

If it was one thing I needed to do before I faced Bella, it was to face my family. As hard as it was going to be, it needed to be done…..for Bella.

* * *

**So, I'm going to give Edward credit here. He's trying. I mean, he stood up to Tanya despite whatever happened in their past that's causing him to stay tied to her. But I don't know how ready Bella's going to be when he comes to talk to her, but it has to happen, right?**

**Anyways, next chapter, a character for which has not seen the light of day in this story will make their first appearance. I've been debating and I finally decided, what the hell? **

**Also, don't forget to go to my profile and vote for the next title story. I'm going to keep it open for a week. So starting tonight, Tuesday August 8th, 2010, it will be open until next Tuesday. **

**So vote, read, review. (:**


	18. Golden Eyes

**A/N: Hello everyone. Sorry with the delay. My beta had just started college and you know how hectic that first week is. Anyways, surprise person shows up in this chapter. **

**Enjoy.**

* * *

I lay there, enveloped in the warm white sheets, hoping to come up with some sort of plan of action. Rose and Alice didn't give me much to work with and that made everything hard.

They figured not telling me anything would be better because they figured Edward should tell me what's going on—the reasoning behind all of his actions. But I wasn't sure if I was able to handle that.

I knew sooner or later, there would come a time where I would have to face Edward face to face, but, truthfully, I was scared to see him. It had almost been a full week since I'd seen his face and its expression it held that night will forever be etched in my memory: Black eyes that held a void expression, nothing with compassion or the love I'd always seen looking in his eyes. His posture was one that was tensed and hard. It was nothing like the soft, welcoming form that held me at night.

Things would never go back to how they were, they couldn't.

I wanted Edward to be my everything, and he was, but I don't know if that could be anymore.

Tears began to prick at the corners of my eyes and for the first time in a long time, I welcomed them. My right hand, which lay next to my face, gripped the bed sheets and the tears fell across the bridge of my nose and became absorbed in the cloth the softly wrapped the opposite side of my face.

I stayed there for a few long moments, welcoming the silence that came with the room.

It drove me insane.

Not just the fact that the room was quiet but the fact that I could hear my heartbeat in my ears; the fact that I was in here to begin with because I tried to work things out with the person that I loved because that's what couples do; the fact that I was beating myself up because I thought it was my fault this all happened when in fact, it was that bastard of a boyfriend; the fact that the two people who I thought would be able to help me figure out what was going through Edward's head when this all happened refused to let me in; and the fact that they told me "it would be best if Edward talked to you".

You know what I say to that.

Fuck it.

I'm done.

I'm not putting myself out there and there is no way in hell I'm talking to Edward.

No.

He put me through all of this and yet, I've spent the last few days sulking. Over what?

I was stronger than this. And even though it's going to kill me to have to part with him, I've come to the conclusion that I don't need him. I need myself and the close friends that I have.

Don't get me wrong, I understand where Rose and Alice are coming from with them thinking that Edward and I should talk things out, but that's not what I want anymore.

I screamed.

I needed to get out of here. I jumped out of bed and I went mad.

Things were being thrown and equipment was breaking. I had cracked. But the best thing about the whole thing was that I couldn't feel anything anymore. It was almost like a child, messing things up, not because he's angry, but because it was soothing.

I felt at that moment that feeling nothing would be a hell of a lot better then sitting there hurting.

More things crashed and broke and before I knew it, pair of big burly arms were around me, holding me tight.

"Bella," he breathed my name.

I knew that voice. The voice that was light but had the gruffness to it, and it was one that I once loved to hear when I was having a bad day or when I was just...alone.

I instinctively brought my hands up to my face, "Jake, don't look at me."

He put me down and I felt myself turn, "I don't see why not, Bella."

I remained quiet.

"I don't want you to hide from me Bella. You're beautiful to me either way," he soothed.

"This is not beautiful!" I screamed bringing my hands down so he could look at me, "This is ugly, this is monstrous. Don't lie to me Jacob!" I was near tears again.

"I knew he hurt you Bella, but I didn't know to what extent. I didn't know he—" he motioned towards my face.

I looked as his hand as it opened and closed into a tight fist.

I couldn't take it anymore. The tears spilled from my only exposed eye, "Jake."

His demeanor immediately changed and he took me in his arms, "I'm so sorry Bella. I promised I would protect you from him and I didn't do that. I'm really sorry."

A hiccupped erupted through my wailing and Jacob just held on tighter, trying to do anything he could to help me get through this. I felt him shift and then I felt my feet off the ground. Jacob carried me bridal style as he walked me to the bed and placed me down.

He turned as if to walk away and I had my arm tight around his forearm before he had the chance to take a step.

"Please, don't go. I—I need you," I whispered.

Jacob's eyes softened at my plea and a soft smile spread across his face, "I won't leave you. I promise."

He came back over and I scooted as far over as I could to give him some room and he slipped into the small bed with me. When he kept his hand raised, I took it as a notion to move forward.

I snuggled into his chest and for the first time since the whole Edward incident, I actually felt...safe.

I don't when or how long I'd been sleeping for, but when I awoke, something felt different: Jacob wasn't here.

Sitting up, my eyes examined the room. Jacob was no where to be found. Swallowing back my tears, I forced the urge to cry away from me. _He promised me._

A fresh tear trickled down the side of my face and I wiped it away. Then, after a minute or two, I heard his voice.

"You need to leave," Jake whispered.

"I need to see her," _that voice_.

"Why? So you can beat her again?" Jacob seethed.

It was quiet.

"Is she ok?"

No. Please no. It can't be _him._

"Why do you care?"

"Because I love her."

_He loves me?_

"You don't hurt anyone that means someone to you and had you stayed away, she would be happy and she wouldn't be here."

Quiet again.

"Please let me see her. I need to tell her some things."

"You tell me and I'll tell her."

"No, she needs to hear it from me."

"Don't you understand you leech? She's _terrified_ of you."

I heard a sigh, "I know, but I at least want to try," the voice pleaded.

A small growl erupted, "Be quick and don't think I won't be watching."

I saw the door swing wide and Jacob came in and behind him, the body of someone I wasn't ready to see.

I tensed and something came over everything in my body. Something, I never thought I would feel when seeing Edward for the first time: fear.

I feared him. Even with Jacob in the room, I felt like nothing could keep me safe.

Edward closed the door behind him with such grace and fluidity that a chill went down my spine.

I was closed in now. I started to feel claustrophobic. The blank walls seemed to get closer and closer and swallow me in their blankness.

I panicked as his golden eyes met mine. I didn't no what to do. I drew my legs in close and clutched them tight while rocking myself back in forth in hopes to escape this nightmare.

"Bella?" I don't know who said it but it was at that moment, I couldn't hear, I couldn't see, I couldn't speak.

My world began to crash around me and then...

I cracked.

* * *

**A/N: Well Jacob's here and Bella is officially terrified by Jacob. **

**I have the next three chapters typed and two of them beta'd so it shouldn't take me long to post the next few.**

**But I have to say this, there are only 8 more chapters until the end of the story! (includes the epi). So I just want to let you guys know I thank you for supporting me and following this story for as long as you guys have. You're awesome, just to say the least! **

**Leave me some love **


	19. A Necessary Recovery

**A/N: So I decided I'm going to post this a little early because I'm in the process of moving into a new home with my mom and siblings, so no peekies for last chapter, but two for the next one. I promise. (: And I wanted to thank Ragdoll-Ranny for my little typo in my last A/N. (: I also want to thank BurningRose FrostingDesire (cool name btw) for recommending Ghost by Fefe Dobson. I listened to it like I said, and it's amazing (:**

**Also big thanks to my lovely beta, Naomi. I know I stress you out and give you a lot of crap, but I thank you for putting up with me. **

**And so, here's the next chapter.**

* * *

Blood-curling screams erupted from my throat and everything around me seemed to shake uncontrollably.

The only vision from my right eye was blinded by the amount of tears being produced. My breath only seemed to get harsher and harsher with each passing minute and it was getting harder to breathe.

"Bella," two arms picked me up and scooted me over and then climbed in right next to me. Releasing my knees, I turned and lied down close to the warm body and his arms draped over my body securely.

"I think its best you leave now," Jacob spoke softy, drawing small circles lightly on my back.

Footsteps echoed throughout the room and then the small click of the door assured me that we were alone now and it relaxed me.

"Are you ok?" Jacob breathed into my hair. I sniffled.

"Don't leave me with him please," my voice cracked.

"I would never do that to you. You need me now and I will never leave your side. That I can promise you," he spoke hard but his tone made me feel safe.

"Thank you Jake. I have always been able to cou-"

"Shh," he interrupted, "get some sleep. I know tonight was hard for you. We'll talk in the morning."

He kissed my hair and I nodded, too tired to speak. I snuggled closer to him and Jacob welcomed me, wrapping his arms tighter around me. I relaxed myself and breathed in Jacob's forest scent. And it was the first time since I've awoken from my coma that I slept through the night, without interruptions.

I woke up with something heavy enveloping me. I lifted my hand from underneath my pillow to feel the softness of a thick comforter. Snaking my hand back down, I stretched it out beside me, gladly taking in the heat from the sheets below me. My hand searched the bed and felt nothing.

_Where's Jacob?_

I snapped up and in the same minute a hand was touching mine. I turned and a smile immediately spread across my face, easing the worried one I was looking at.

"I'm right here Bells. I got up and went to get us something to eat. I thought you might have been hungry." Jacob wheeled the TV tray over and placed a Ziploc plastic container on top of it.

_This isn't cafeteria food._

"Jake..what is all this?" I looked at him skeptically.

He chuckled heartily, "Well, Sue came by earlier and she thought cafeteria food wouldn't be best for you…and me. So we went to Ihop and ordered take-out. I got you pancakes and eggs and some bacon if that's ok."

I was beaming at him, "thank you Jake. You didn't have to do that for me."

"Yeah I did," he spoke softly, "after everything that's happened, the least I can do is get you something good to eat!"

We both let out a small laugh and I picked up my fork and dug into my food.

After breakfast, Jacob climbed back into the small hospital bed next to me, holding me close. After a couple of minutes of silence, the door opened.

"Bella?" Carlisle asked as he walked in.

I sat up and gave him a warm smile, easing his nervous face, "Good morning Carlisle."

"Good morning Bella." I felt Jake sit up besides me, "I have the results of your tests from the past few days," he stopped, examining his charts.

"And?"

"And you're brain tests came back fine. Your concussion and fracture miraculously kept you from experiencing any type of memory loss, even though you have some bruising. That we'll have to keep monitoring, but other than that, you are great."

"What about my left eye?" I questioned. I mean I understand that I don't have my left side of my face anymore, but will I still be able to see?

"Well," his face held a blank expression, "we won't know until the bandages come off, but there's a large chance that," he sighed, "there's a large chance that you won't regain your vision in that eye."

My eyes began to water and an "ok" was all that I could manage. I wouldn't be able to see anymore with my left eye. No more seeing life to the fullest. Just one half of what's it's supposed to be.

I felt soft circles being traced on my back and I turned to Jacob. His features softened and he embraced me for a moment to short.

"Bella," I turned to Carlisle.

"You are clear to depart the hospital tonight if you want to. Alice set up her room for you to sleep—"

"Wait," Jacob interrupted, "you're going to be staying at the Cullen house?"

I felt his gaze on my face, but I refused to look at him directly. "That was the plan. I was going to stay there so Carlisle could monitor me once I was clear to leave."

"I'm not too comfortable with that," he gritted.

"Jake," I breathed.

"No, Bella, Edward hurt you and now you're going to be sleeping in the same house as him? It's not going to happen."

"Jake, everyone is going to be keeping a look out for me. I won't get hurt, I promise."

"It's not you that I don't trust Bella, it's him. I don't trust him around you."

"I know, but maybe while I'm there I can build up the courage to talk to him. We need to talk. I need to know what the hell is going on."

"No."

"Jake, it's already been arranged," I looked at him. His face was red and his hands were balled into fists so tight his muscles flexed. He moved his gaze from mine and looked at Carlisle.

"She can stay with you, but I don't want Edward anywhere near her. Not even in the _same room._ I will be coming by every other night to check on her and make sure there are no other pieces missing from her. Understood?"

Carlisle nodded in agreement and then turned to me, "Bella, Alice is going to pick you up in about 45 minutes, so be ready by then, and I'll see you later." He smiled weakly at me before turning and making his way out the door.

After hearing the click of the door I turned towards Jake, who was still upset about everything that had just happened.

"Jake," I reached for his hand but he pulled away.

"Just leave it alone Bella," he got up and walked over to the door.

"Don't leave," I pleaded. I needed him to stay, to comfort me. He can't walk out, not now, "if you leave, you're no better than Edward."

He stopped, "Bella, don't you _ever_ compare me with the bastard!" His yelling startled me and when he turned to face me, it was worse. It was like seeing Edward that night. His whole changed demeanor. It wasn't something I recognized. All the events played over in my head and I started to cry all over again.

His face scrunched together in worry and he walked towards me and enveloped me in his arms, "I'm so sorry Bella. I didn't mean to make you cry, I'm sorry."

I shook my head, "No, it's my fault. I shouldn't have said it." We remained like that for what seemed like seconds before he pulled away. "I'm going to go use the bathroom and then grab you something to drink. You need to change, Alice should be here soon."

I nodded in agreement and Jacob walked out the room leaving me to myself.

_Might as well. _

I walked across the room to a bag that had been brought earlier in the week and changed out of the pajamas I had changed into a few days before, throwing on some sweatpants, a tank, and old Arizona hoodie and my Chucks. I was not in the mood to deal with my hair, so I left it in the messy knot I put it in yesterday.

Throwing my clothes in the bag, I zipped it up and put it on the floor. Turning to the bed, I folded up the comforter and made the bed and then returned the TV tray to its proper corner, before sitting in the dismembered chair Jacob had been sitting in earlier.

After another 5 minutes, Jacob came in, water bottle in hand. Opening it for me, he handed it over and I suckled it into my mouth and drank the deliciousness it poured.

When I finished, he took the bottle and recapped it before leaning over and hoisting my bag on his back, "Alice is here. We should make our way to the front now."

I nodded in agreement and followed Jacob out the door and out of my safe haven. Nothing at this point could save me and knowing that I had to face it one day or another, I couldn't chicken out.

It was time to figure everything out and act. And just by stepping out of that hospital room, I'm making my first steps toward a recovery.

* * *

**A/N: Awe. Poor Jacob. Poor Bella. She will only be able to see out of one eye. Everyone, boo Edward! *boos***

**Anyone want to know what Edward's been doing? His POV is next chapter. **

**Leave me love! (:**


	20. What's Hurting You?

**A/N: So I've officially moved in. I still have a lot of unpacking, organizing and painting to do as well as school. So I'll try and do my best to do everything within a decent time limit. (:**

**Edward's POV right now... ever wonder what's going on with him?**

**

* * *

**

EPOV

Nerves and excitement ran through my body all at once.

_I'm going to see her again_.

Speeding through the empty streets of Forks in the pitch blackness of midnight, I was on my way to the hospital.

_To Bella._

I had to tell her everything tonight, as much as I feared the outcome. Telling about my past with Tanya, I knew, would not be easy for me, and it definitely wouldn't be easy for her either; especially since I lied to her.

I just hope that she hears me out and hears me out to the end. Until I tell her that I want to solely want to be with her and that I broke things off with Tanya because I love her, even though I didn't show it.

I ran a shaky hand through my hair.

_I hope this goes well._

Pulling into an empty parking spot, I exited my car and made my way up to the hospital doors.

Nodding at Thomas as I passed the front desk I bolted towards the elevator. I wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone outside of Bella at the moment. This needed to be done.

My nerves picked.

What if this doesn't go as planned? I mean it has to, right? Tanya's going to be here God knows when and Bella needs to know her life is in danger. She needs to allow me to protect her. I wouldn't want to be Tanya's slave if she succeeds in killing Bella.

_If Bella dies..._

I don't know what I'd do. I'd be in guilt and shame for the rest of my life, and at that point, I would do just about anything to piss Tanya off enough to have her end my life.

I ran my hands through my hair as I stopped in front of Bella's door.

I knocked and then waited. Something smelled off. I know that smell.

_Fuck me. _

The door opened and then I was faced with yet another obstacle.

Jacob Black.

"Cullen, what are you doing here?" he whispered harshly.

I peeked around him to see Bella soundly sleep on the bed in the room.

"I need to talk to her. It's important."

"You sure that's the only thing you want to do?" He seethed. "I mean, when she wanted to talk to you about something important, you smashed her face in."

I allowed my gaze to fall to the floor as I ran another nervous hand through my hair.

"I-I just need to make things right between us and tell her everything. She needs to hear it."

He snickered and I looked up at him questioningly, "I never thought I would ever see you so nervous Cullen. It amuses me."

A snarl erupted from my throat, "I would cut it if I were you."

Sheets rustled from inside the room and both of our frames stiffened.

_She was awake._

Her steady heartbeat picked up quickly and it sounded as if she were growing frantic.

"You need to leave," Jacob spoke, turning towards his back towards me and walking towards the door.

"I need to see her," it came out more like a plea. I only hoped Jacob would understand, just this once.

"Why, so you can beat her again?" He seethed at me at I saddened at his words. They cut me. They should have been enough to kill me and yet, here I stood, getting ready to break down in front of the guy who I vowed would never see me weak.

"Is she ok?"

"Why do you care?"

This was my chance. Knowing Bella, she was listening, and this might be the only chance I had to let her know how I felt. I just hope she understands.

_I hope she still feels the same way._

"Because I love her."

"You don't hurt someone that means something to you and had you stayed away, she would be happy, and she wouldn't be here."

"_She would have been safe with me_," he thought.

And who am I to say that he's wrong? Bella would've been safe with him and knowing Jacob, I knew he would've had his anger issues, but at least I knew he would never hurt her. I just didn't want her around him. I was selfish and wanted her to myself.

I just didn't want to believe that what happened between Sam and Emily could happen with Jacob and Bella, but no matter how mad he got, I don't think he would ever have the power to hurt Bella.

"Please, let me see her. I need to tell her some things."

_Please, Jacob, just let me see her._

"You tell me and I'll tell her."

He doesn't get it.

"No, she needs to hear it from me."

"Don't you understand you leech? She's _terrified_ of you."

That should've been it. That should've been the final blow. If it was one thing that I never wanted for Bella in our entire relationship, it was for her to fear me. I didn't want her to see me any different as she had nor did I want her to view me as every other vampire who's tried to kill her. I didn't want her to share the same fear she had with Victoria or James, or Laurent.

"I know," I answered truthfully, "but I least want to try." I was on my final string of hope. If he didn't let me talk to her now, I don't think she'll ever find out that Tanya's going to kill her in a few days and at that point, I won't be able to do anything, but watch in agony. (***Secret hint!***)

A growl emitted from Jacob's throat, "be quick and don't think I won't be watching."

_Obviously._

He opened the door wide and walked in and I trailed behind him. I stared at the floor the entire time. I turned around to close the door and then I knew that at that moment, it was now or never. I had to loot at her.

I turned and then I saw her face for the first time in days.

Her eyes still melted me in their chocolate depths and I felt like I was floating. Dark patches around her eyes made me aware that she hadn't slept in days..or maybe she'd been crying?

The rosy color of her cheeks had returned and her lips were completely red and pouty.

_If only I could kiss her._

I tried so hard not to smile at her, but she didn't look the same.

She looked...panicked.

She drew her legs in and tightly wrapped her arms around them and started rocking herself. Her forehead touched her knees and she almost simultaneously started to shake.

"Bella?" I questioned and I reached an outstretched hand towards her, but Jacob smacked it down and gave me a menacing glare.

After a minute, the room shook.

She was screaming, and it took me almost all of my will power not to scoop her up and comfort her. I couldn't do that now. It would only make her more frightened.

Jacob went over to her and picked her up and moved her to the other side of the bed and climbed in, pulling her to him and putting the covers over them both.

"Bella," he whispered as he comforted her before facing me.

"I think its best you leave now," Jacob spoke softly towards me, as if not to frighten Bella.

I nodded and slowly retreated back to the door, opening it up and then closing it behind me.

_She rejected me._

I had just been rejected by Bella through fear. She didn't want to see me. I messed this up bad and something tells me that it can't be fixed.

I walked and walked until I reached my car and I drove in complete silence and once I reached the house, I went to my room.

I didn't want to be bothered and I hope everyone got the message when I blasted Claire de Lune blasted though the speakers on repeat.

I don't know how long I'd lied on my bed for but it had to have been until the next afternoon because I heard everyone go in and out of the house.

That was when I smelled it.

I smelled her blood.

_She's here?_

I smelled her as she walked up the stairs and onto the third floor.

_Alice's room._

I opened the door as she reached the top stair and my eyes locked onto hers. She stiffened in her fright again and she just stared back.

We stayed like that for what seemed like hours and I was enjoying just being this close to her; closer than I was to her in the hospital.

It felt so right, yet so wrong in the same moment.

I just wanted to touch her soft skin, run my fingers through her hair, and watch her skin come up with goose bumps when I kissed her.

I wanted it but I couldn't have it. I had to stop.

I ran my hand through my hair and allowed my gaze to trail to the floor as I turned shutting the door behind me.

And unintentionally shutting the door on Bella.

* * *

**A/N: So I can tell you that next chapter, they do talk... finally ! (: Secrets maybe ? Can't tell you. You'll have to wait until next chapter.**

**Leave me love xoxo**

**-Chelsea**


	21. Photographs

**A/N: Hey guys. Sorry for the delay. I've had the worst full week of school and the workload is ridiculous. Thanks to everyone that reviewed the last chapter. I know I didn't get back to you guys, but I will. (:**

**This chapter's a little short, and I'm sorry about that. Enjoy !**

* * *

BPOV

And there he stood. A mere 10 feet away from me and yet, I couldn't speak. I was scared of course, but there was another feeling.

A feeling I thought I would never have when staring into the eyes of my Edward: desire.

I had a strong feeling of desire for him even thought I shouldn't have after everything he's done. I don't understand it.

I mean, is this how abused women see their abusers? Do they still continue to love them? Is that why it makes it hard for some of them to get away and seek help?

"Ugh, why is this so hard?" I screamed as I stomped into Alice's room and slammed the door. I fell back against the door and allowed the tears to fall down.

All the times we held hands, all the times we lied together, all the times we shared kisses, all the notes that he wrote me, all the times he was just there.

I felt my knees buckle beneath me and I collapsed on the cool floor. I looked to my right and there was my duffle bag. Pulling myself over to it, I opened the side pocked and pulled out my cell phone.

I powered it on and within minutes my home screen was staring at me. It was Edward and me, staring at each other with such adoration, it's almost unrecognizable now.

The day the picture was taken, it was a rare sunny day in Forks, and the Cullens decided that we should "picnic" in the backyard. I remember being so happy then, so carefree. What happened?

Tanya happened to Edward.

Edward happened to me.

And here I am, with all these photographs.

_Haha, funny._

When Mike broke up with Jessica for the first time, Jessica could not stop listening to this one song, and I told her to stop. It only made her sadder and sadder with each passing minute she listened to it. And now it's playing in my head.

_Fell in love, I fell in love_

_Thought he was the one for me, _

_Other boys I could not see._

_And look what happened to our love,_

_I'm like how could it be?_

_It should've been me and you,_

_It could've been you and me,_

_But boy you broke my heart and now I'm standing here,_

_It should've been me and you,_

_It could've been you and me,_

_Now all I've got are these photographs._

"All I've got is nothing without you," I finished the last parts of the song, "Damn you Edward! What the hell did you do to me?" I screamed out. I knew he would hear.

I cried harder, sobs breaking the silence around me.

_Why is this happening to me?_'

I guess this is what happens when you hope all the good things would never end. That's what they don't tell kids in fairytales: that all good things must come to an end. I guess this is the mistake I will never be able to forget.

I don't know how long I sat here thinking about my past and my emotions for him but I grew quiet. I couldn't just sit here anymore and not know the truth. All my answers lie behind the door down the hall and I was ready to find out. It was time to know everything.

I deserved it after I made it this far and I'm still human and alive.

I got up, keeping my equilibrium steady with the weight of the door pushing up against me. Steady and level-headed, I opened the door and made my way down the hall towards Edward's room.

My steps grew heavy with each passing step and my body began to shake.

_Was I ready for this?_

I mean, either way I put it, I was going to have to face the truth some time right? So why not now?

I reached his door and placed a light knock on it.

"Come in," his voice gruff.

I grasped the cold, brass knob of the door and took a deep breath.

_Here goes._

I proceeded inside the room and slowly closed the door behind me.

My gaze examined the room's condition: broken records and CDs were scattered and shattered into millions of pieces on the floor; the bed I once laid in, flipped up against the wall and the frame broken into big and small pieces; the plasma on the wall next to the door had been smashed; and in the middle of it all, Edward lied on the floor.

"What happened?" I whispered as I took in his posture. He lay sprawled out on the floor, his head facing the ceiling. His eyes stayed closed and his chest moved evenly up and down.

"You happened," his lips spoke. He didn't flinch.

"Excuse me?"

He sighed and sat up, "You happened to me Bella. This is what happened—among other things—when I felt like shit for putting you through all of this."

"You trashed your room?" I asked confused. So all he did while I was in excruciating pain in the hospital was trash his room?

"That's not all," he said running a nervous had through his hair and proceeding to stand up, "I, uh, I broke it off with Tanya."

_Wait, what?_

"Why, Edward? She's what you wanted after all, so why go through the trouble of leaving her?" I scoffed.

"Because, I never meant to hurt you, I swear I didn't. I love you Bella, and I'm sorry."

His eyes drifted out of the glass of his room and into the depths of the forest that lie a few feet away.

"That's it?"

"Well, for now."

"What "for now" Edward? I'm not playing games with you anymore. What the hell is going on?" I started to get agitated. He had no reason to keep it from me now.

"Bella, I just want to know something," he faced me again, his eyes almost pleading for me to hear him out.

"No, Edward. I want my answers first."

"I don't want to hurt you," he whispered barely audible.

"Edward you can't hurt me anymore than you already have! Did you forget that I have a damaged face? Did you know I might not get to see out of my left eye ever again? Do you know that I have to look myself in the mirror for years to come to be reminded of you?"

I was fuming. I wanted him to see how bad he hurt me. Taking both of my hands up to my face, I began to tear off bandage after bandage until I could feel no remains.

"You see this Edward?" I pointed to my face, "this hurts! So don't say you don't want to hurt me when you already have!"

He stared at me for a good moment and then looked away, "Don't look away Edward. Face what you did. Be a man."

His gaze stayed indifferent.

That only made me more upset. How dare he? He can cause the damage and I have to suffer for him? Not happening.

I stepped the few feet we had between us and grabbed his cheek and pulled it towards me, "I said to look at me! Do you see what you did to me? I've been eating myself away because I was thinking this entire time that I was the one to cause this problem. I was taking the blame for something that solely belonged to _you_!" My eye began to tear up. "What did I do to you that caused me to deserve this? Edward, what did I do?"

We stared lock-on in each other's eye, while I waited for his answer. By then, I was crying and he still had not said anything helpful.

"You loved me." A response so clear and unwavering that it was hard to believe it came from his mouth. His tone made me feel inferior—almost as if I didn't mean anything to him. Had he no sympathy? Had he no love for me anymore?

_I need to get out of here._ I removed my hand from his chin and backed away. I was done getting hurt by him and I deserved better.

I walked out closing the door behind me and retreated back to Alice's room, yelling for Carlisle as I passed the top stair.

Enclosing myself in the room, I barely made it to the bed before I felt my knees buckle below me and allow me to fall onto the plush bed.

Pulling myself under the blankets in hopes that it was the real reason behind my shaking, I grabbed a pillow and put it beneath my head. I lied down left side up so Carlisle could see why I called him.

I continued crying and before long, my quiet sobs lulled me to sleep that night.

* * *

**Yeah, so maybe the whole talking thing didn't go to well, but I can guarantee you, everything will be revealed in the next couple of chapters, but I want to know what you guys think the secret is. So review and tell me. **

**xoxo**


	22. The Truth Finally Comes Out

**A/N:**

**For all of you who thought I was gone, I'm very much so alive ! I know I've been hiatus for a while and I'm sorry! **

**But I want to thank all my readers who have been with me since day one and those who have started to read this story. You don't know how much it means to me. (: I want to thank my very busy beta, Naomi for putting up with my crap, but also, for tying up all the loose strings and helping me make this story a little bit better. **

**Alright, enough with all that, let's get on with it!**

**

* * *

**

**BPOV**

Dawn pressed against the undrawn curtains as I stirred out of a dreamless slumber. My eyes felt heavy and I imagined my face, puffy and red from crying myself to sleep last night. The events that happened last night played through my head like a movie, and it seems like my approach on going in there strong failed horribly.

My plan was to go in there, not raise my voice, not to show Edward how much hurt I felt, and to show him how much I didn't care…even if it meant hiding how I truly felt.

He broke through my façade with his carelessness and it was almost like he was disgusted with me. And now that I think of it, what was the point of him coming to see me if all he was going to do was act like he didn't care? He and I both knew he did. He couldn't just stop caring about me like that, could he?

I didn't know, but either way, we needed to sit down and talk seriously. I needed to know why things happened the way they did so I can just go on with my life.

Even if it meant a life without Edward.

I shifted and felt something hard on my foot. Opening my eyes, I was met with the same eyes I saw before I went to sleep last night. Edward's.

"What the hell are you doing in here?" I jumped up quickly, the covers tight in my grasp up to my chest.

He looked away like a child getting caught from stealing cookies from the jar, "I had come to apologize earlier, but you were still sleeping, so I stayed here and watched you sleep."

Wait, what?

"You, watched me sleep?"

He nodded.

Where was he coming from with all this niceness? Was he in denial? Why is he really here?

I had so many questions flooding my mind and I was still shocked that he was still here, admitting that he was creeping on me.

I think he registered the shocked look on my face and took it as a way for him to continue.

"Listen, I know that I'm probably the last person you want to face right now—"

"Damn straight," I muttered under my breath.

He continued, "but, I think you should know what's going on."

"Why did you do it, Edward? What did I do to deserve this? Of all the things I expected, I never thought, never imagined that you would go behind my back and hurt me to this extent."

"I know," he sighed, running his hands through his hair, "but this all happened before I even met you."

"What?" I was confused. It happened before me?

"What I had with Tanya was well before I even met you. It was around 70 years before I had met you," he explained. "Shortly after I was changed, Carlisle sent me to Tanya's family's house. He felt that I might be able to control my thirst for humans and satiate the need for their blood with that of an animal's. He found the scenery ideal for that type of training because at the time, there really weren't as many people in the area.

Everyday, I was out training, at first with Tanya's mother. She gave me the basics: how to use my ears to find an animal and use that sound to determine how big the animal is; how to find the animal and approach it undetected; how to catch the animal; where the best vein with the large blood flow. And eventually, when she felt it was time, she let me go hunt with Tanya and eventually myself. I never liked hunting with myself so I stayed with Tanya. I enjoyed her company. I eventually," he stopped and looked at me worriedly before returning his gaze to the floor below him, "I eventually fell in love with her."

Tanya's mother had trained me for 8 months straight and I thought I had gotten the hang of it and that I had satiate my thirst for human blood. I wouldn't know because I had been isolated from them for as long as I had been there, but there was one day…one day where I would have to test that.

One day-the day after the bears had come out from hibernation—we heard them. We heard the humans, coming in the direction of our house, hunting for bears. They were out for another 5 to 10 miles but we heard them.

Tanya's mother told me that this was going to test out what I had learned over the past couple of months. She expected me to succeed in my newfound ability to have control and to not breathe in their scent when they came close enough to really smell it.

I thought I could handle it, I really thought I could…" he started grabbing at his hair, pulling it at all sides. He took in a sharp breath, almost to sound as if he were crying. Then he started shaking his head, "I thought I could handle it, but when they came around, it was so _alluring_. The scent was so sweet, so tempting, so …delicious.

There must have been maybe two groups of 20 people and I just went at them. I couldn't contain myself. I drank and drank and drank until all the bodies lied in a disorganized mess across the forest floor. I had killed at least 40 people in my own hands, and it felt…good.

I felt nothing but bliss having the sweet blood travel down my burning throat and it was like, that was my "calling" in a sense. It was in that moment that I decided that I didn't want to be this vampire that feasted on animals. I was supposed to and felt that I had to kill humans. It was programmed in me.

When I ran back into the house, Tanya and her sister Irina were frantic and they shuddered away from me. They avoided all eye contact and it was almost as if they were disgusted by me. Tanya wouldn't come near me, and that hurt me deeply.

Tanya's mother had yelled at me. She threw me around and broke things off my body. She screamed that we were living in isolation for a reason and that with 40 people dead outside the house, we would be found out and she was right.

Almost three days later, another search party stumbled upon the bodies and went back to town and reported it. Police had swarmed the area within a matter of hours and before they arrived, the Denalis and I had evacuated the house. We ran over 100 miles to a safe house that they had just in case anything should happen. We hid out and listened for days and weeks. And when we thought the coast was clear, they came. The Volturi came. Tanya's mother had told me earlier that they were to come she would die. She explained how she had wanted children but because her body didn't allow her to reproduce, so she kidnapped two people from a different state, brought them to the house, and changed them herself. She trained them to not kill humans and even though she did wrong but changing these people, she didn't force them on a killing spree to kill hundreds or thousands of people.

So when she had come to face the Volturi, they proved her story and they killed her instead of her children.

After she died, I had to stay to console Tanya and Irina. Tanya seemed more unforgiving as she felt that her mother's death was her fault. Irina distanced herself and eventually left to live a life on her own. That left me and Tanya. I consoled her, and held her as she wept," I gave him a look; "you know what I mean," he said.

"Eventually, I spent so much time with her that I started to fall in love with her. And we just stayed together and we stayed together until about 15 to 20 years after. I met this girl. Her name was Maria.

I met her at a restaurant in the town next to the woods we stayed in. I was working there and she came in. She had brown hair, just like yours," he ran his hand through my hair carefully, as if fearing that he might scare me away.

"Her eyes were a breath-taking emerald green. Their depths swallowed you as you looked into them. She had soft, feather-like skin and her smile radiated anything it came into contact with, especially, with her adorable dimples. And when she touched me," he stopped, an adoring smile placed on his face, "when she touched me, it felt like time had stopped and I wanted nothing but for her to keep touching me, so I could stay in that moment."

When he told me that, I felt…jealous. He talked about her like she was the only woman for him, like he was still in that moment. I wondered if he ever looked at me that way. If he felt something when I touched him and if he loved me like the way it sounds like he loved her. I felt tears come to my eyes btu I fought them back.

I refused to show weakness.

" After that she became a regular and we would always strike up a conversation. As much as I wanted her, I knew I had to stay away from her, but it was so hard. So hard that I gave up, and I stopped trying. I started hanging out with her outside of work. We got so close where I thought I would leave Tanya for her.

I loved Tanya, don't get me wrong, but I was in love with Maria.

Tanya grew jealous of how smitten I was with her. She told me that she wasn't going to lose me to her after I said I was leaving her for Maria.

I hadn't heard from her for two weeks and I wasn't worried by it. I spent everyday with Maria and when I went to work, I always went to her apartment where I stayed with her until she fell asleep.

Then one day, after work, something felt off. I didn't know what but things didn't feel right. Everything throughout the day seemed unusual. Every morning before work, Maria would come into the restaurant and say good morning before heading off to run a few errands. This particular morning, she didn't come by and I thought it was the most peculiar thing.

I thought maybe she got sick and didn't feel well enough to come out, but then again, I had a gut feeling that something wasn't right.

When I got to her apartment after work, the door was open and the apartment was black. Glass was crunching beneath my feet. Everything was at disarray. I remember calling out for her and not hearing anything.

But, the smell of her was everywhere.

I followed the scent to her bedroom and when I walked in, there she was, slain. Dismembered and her blood shed everywhere. I had to leave.

And the scary thing was, I knew where I was going before I left. I was there in front of the all too-familiar house within a couple of minutes and face to face with the monster within a matter of seconds."

**EPOV**

"_Why did you do that to her? WHY? I LOVED her !" I screeched_

_The smirk she held on her face disgusted me._

"_Because, you belong to me."_

"_The fuck I do!" I felt my fists tighten at my sides._

"_You do. My mother told me before she died. She told me that because you killed all those people and because you put our family in jeopardy, and because you killed her, you belong to me."_

"_You're fucking delusional. Your mother is dead! She couldn't have told you that!"_

_She laughed, "Edward, you can say you don't want to be with me. You can say you have moved on, but just so you know, wherever you go, I will make the rest of your life, for as long as you live, a living hell. And I will show you that you do indeed, belong to me. But until then, I suggest you run. You're on the wanted list for Maria's murder."_

"_You're a bitch."_

"_I know baby, I know."_

I don't know how much time had went by, but before I knew it, I had told Bella everything. I told her how I fell in love with two other girls after Maria and that both times, Tanya made me take part in their murder; I told her how Tanya was after her; I apologized so many times.

So many times.

And I meant every single time I said it. I would only hope that she believed me. If there is a God, he will give Bella the sense of understanding and help her understand why I did everything I did to her.

God I hope so much.

**BPOV**

Wow.

That's all I can really say. Edward just told me everything, and I actually wanted to kill Tanya. She's manipulating Edward by making him do things he doesn't want to do to keep her from turning him in (not like that would really matter) and to keep him all to herself.

That may have really pissed me off, but that still didn't give Edward the right to put his hands on me, even if it was to look like he didn't care about me.

But he still didn't answer the one question that's been bothering me, "Was it worth it Edward? Was going through all of this worth destroying our relationship, destroying what we had, and destroying me worth it all?"

He was back to tugging at his hair again, "No."

"Ok."

"Bell, if I could reverse time and just end our relationship before any of this happened, I would've done it so I wouldn't have to see you suffer. I wanted you happy, and this is the farthest thing from it, but I promise you it won't ever happen again. I'm going to strive to make you happy even if it kills me."

I thought for a moment and as sweet as he was being, after everything that happened, this definitely wasn't the kind of life I wanted to live. And if I were to truly live, it would have to be a life that didn't include vampires and werewolves. Just humans.

"Edward, I'm not taking you back," I said it, looking deep into his eyes. I could tell he was hurting.

"Bella, just hear m—"

"Edward, no," I cut him off, "I don't want this life anymore. This isn't for me. I'm not happy. I'm hurting and you can't fix what's already broken, no matter how hard you try. So please, stop trying."

I got up feeling myself ready to cry again, and I couldn't let him see me. No. I have to be strong in order to move forward.

When I walked by him, I felt him grab my hand. I felt my arm fill with heat and the hairs stand up. The sensation ran through my body.

I looked back at him and his sorrowful eyes were enough to know he was silently pleading with me.

But I couldn't.

I took my hand back and held it to my chest, slowly shaking my head as I turned away from him and continued walking out the door.

When I finally made it to the bathroom, I let myself cry. Not because I felt bad for him, or because I felt like I was making the wrong decision, but because despite all that's happened between us in this short amount of time, I still get butterflies when I see him and goose bumps when he touches me.

And that's why, after all that's been said and done and all that has yet to happen:

I will always and forever love Edward Cullen.

* * *

**Dun dun dun! Didn't expect that did you? Well, I have a couple more tricks up my sleeve ;) This story is beginning to wind down, and I know you have all been waiting long enough, but I kindly ask, please bear with me! **

**The next chapter should be up soon, just hang in there. **

**Thanks again. I love you all! **


	23. First Steps of Recovery

**A.N: Hi everyone. I know it's been a while (yell and scream at me, I'm ready for it), but I've been so busy lately. Anyone who has experienced senior year and college applications can surely vouch for me, but yes I'm back, and I'm finally getting a new laptop soon, so hopefully, I will be able to update more often because I don't think once every 8 months is any good. **

**But before I begin, I want to recommend my beta, BellaEdwardlover1991's story, "Roomates". It's pretty sexy, and if you're into lemony goodness and threesomes, it's all in there. (; Also, if you don't know who CaraNo is, shoot yourself in the foot. She has THE MOST AMAZING drabbles and stories ever. Go find these two awesome ladies and read away! (:**

**And now, where we left off... enjoy. **

* * *

**BPOV**

I don't know how long I spent on the bathroom floor, but I know it had to have been a while. I didn't want to think or feel anymore. In the past couple of weeks, I went from blissfully happy, to null and void. Shit just didn't make sense anymore and I was too numb to try to think about things anymore.

A soft knock rapped against the door and upon feeling the vibrations through my back, I closed my eyes.

_Please, just leave me alone._

The knock sounded again followed by my name being called.

"Let me in please."

In all honestly I wanted nothing more than to move from the spot I was in, but my body wouldn't allow me. I was weak and worn out. The numbness that surged through my body succumbed me into a place that was calming. I wasn't dealing with pain or a broken heart. I held no anger or regrets or even sympathy. No, I just felt… nothing.

And I loved it.

A heavy sigh was released and I soon felt myself slide across the floor. I allowed it because I truthfully didn't care anymore. I had nothing to hide and how would I be if I ignored the people that loved me most?

The soft click of the door shutting echoed through the quiet bathroom and when it did, I suffocated. My throat felt like it was closing and it burned painfully as I began to feel tears sting the corner of my eyes. The numb feeling was now gone and the feeling of vulnerability snuck back on me.

My body had a mind of it's own and even though I had lost control of my actions, I tried my best to keep my body from shaking. And when the first sob erupted, my resolve let out and I just let it all go.

I felt myself being cradled soon after and I just held onto the shirt as if I was holding on for dear life and I just cried.

"You know he loves you, right?"

It was the first set of words said since my breakdown started a half hour ago. And even though I would rather be by myself, it was a little comforting having someone with me.

I nod, responding to the question.

"Yeah, well… my brother, he's just fucking stupid. He should've told you everything from the beginning. He thinks that because he was changed first and has seen more decades than me that he knows everything, but…"

.

.

.

.

"Shit, I hate seeing you like this Bella."

I look down at my hands as they sit in my lap.

_It probably hasn't been easy for them either._

"I'm sorry you've had to see me like this," I sigh, "I know it hasn't been easy for you or the rest of the family hearing me all the time, or hearing me and… _him_ argue. These past couple of days have just been really tough for me."

"I know, I see it," he sighs, "but in all honesty, you need a break."

When I started to protest Emmett was right on it, as if he already knew what I was going to say, "Don't even think about it Swan. I know you would never admit it but being in this house isn't something you need. You're stressing yourself out and you're never going to be able to fully start your full emotional and physical recovery here."

"But where am I supposed to go? I can't go back with Charlie. I absolutely refuse to have him see me like this."

"I knew you would say that, that's why me and the rest of the family, decided that it might be best if you go with Jacob."

I sighed. I hated to admit it, but they were right. I needed to get out of here. I just, I couldn't allow myself to let Jacob see me like this again either. I know how much it hurt him to watch me in pain when Edward left. He hid it well but I knew because I know him. He would have rather prided himself in staying strong for me than to ever let down his guard and show me that he was breaking.

He truly was my best friend because how he stuck with me after all that I put him through still makes no sense to me, but I swear I love him for always being by my side.

"Ok," I said moving myself away from Emmett's chest so he can see me. I wanted him to know that I meant this, "I'll do it."

A small smile spread across his face, "Good."

As I turned to remove from under Emmett's arm, his armed tightened around me. When I looked, he had a troubled look on his face.

"What's wrong, Em?"

He shook his head, "Nothing. I just wanted to let you know that things may seem really tough for you right now, but it things will get better."

I felt my forehead scrunch as I just stared at Emmett. I wanted to believe him, but there was no telling how things would be. With Edward, I had loved my life and now that I don't have him, it's kind of hard to see what lies ahead in my future.

"You may not think so, but believe me, I would know that things get better," he paused, "you know that I died when I was 24 right?"

I nodded.

"Even though my past life is fuzzy, I still remember a lot of things. My family for one. I loved them with all my heart. Sometimes when I look at Esme and Carlisle, it's hard not to see my biological parents and wonder how they are now. My mom, she was just like Esme. She's kind, and cares about others, but she's not afraid to put the rule down if she needs too," he chuckled.

"She ran the household, but more importantly, she ran my stomach. Let me tell you, the woman knew how to throw some food together."

I feel myself laugh, and I have to admit… it feels good.

"My dad, he was a businessman. He owned a few Hunting ranges and I would spend most of my time there. I wanted to follow in my dad's footsteps. My plan was to take over the family business, ya know? I was the oldest of five kids and I wanted to set a good example for my brother and sisters. My brother, Ethan, he was born a year after me. He was my best friend and we were always trouble growing up.

"We did everything together: going to dad's hunting range, parties, and we even did a couple double dates together. We were even both part of the varsity football team together.

"Then there's my sister, Jen. Born three years after me. She was just like her two older brothers in the sports category; basketball and lacrosse were her fortes. And don't get me started on football. She loved it. She was probably the biggest enthusiast you would ever meet. She loved to play it too. And she was good. So good that when she was a freshman in high school, she became the varsity football team's punter and field goal kicker."

My mouth dropped open in shock and Emmett laughed at my expression.

"Yeah, she was good. The team didn't like it though. I mean, at the time they already had to deal with two McCartys and now they had three.

"Next was my sister Christie. She was born five years after me. She had a quiet disposure and always kept to herself. Her favorite thing to do was read. I used to make fun of her for it all the time and she used to make comebacks like, 'watch, the minute I become a famous book editor and make all this money, you'll be the one crawling back to me, asking me for help when your football career falls through.'"

A laugh erupted from him chest and when I looked up at him, his eyes were closed contently, as if he could see the memories, clear as day as they played out in front of his eyes.

"And lastly, there was my baby sister, Olivia. She was born seven years after me…. She was autistic. She had a hard childhood. Kids at her school were constantly making fun of her and she never understood why. I remember when she came up to me one day and asked me, 'Em, I'm normal right? I'm just like you and Ethan, Jen and Christie?' And when she said that, I wanted nothing more than to cry, because she was normal. There was nothing wrong with Olivia. She was smart, creative, and she was just beautiful inside and out and to see her in pain and ask me questions like that, I wanted nothing more than to rip the life out of whoever told her the lies."

I felt Emmett's chest heave suddenly and I didn't want to look up, but I did anyways. Anger traced all of his features. It was evident how much he loved his sister. I shared the same view with him because no one should be treated like how his sister was. It's just… wrong. Having disabilities and disorders doesn't make you any less normal than someone born without it.

"Emmett—"

"No, Bella don't," he interrupted, "don't apologize," he sighed, " I just miss her. I was her protector. I was the one that helped her and after I was changed, it killed me to know that I won't be able to do that for her anymore. The last time I saw her she was seventeen. She grew her hair out. She had my hair color and we both had dimples. She had the purest soul and she had nothing but good intentions… and she was smart. So fucking smart. She was a character too. She said some of the funniest things."

.

.

.

.

.

"You remind me of her," he whispered. "Your wit, your intelligence, your soul. When I look at you Bella, sometimes I see her. I think that's why I get so overprotective of you sometimes. Hearing you like you have been over the past few days, it reminds me of Olivia's outbursts and her tantrums. She would yell, and scream, and cry and it just broke me. There would be times where I would lock myself in my room and cry because, shit.. sometimes I thought I wasn't protecting Olivia enough, like I wasn't doing my job.

That's how I felt when I saw you that night. You were just so, broken Bella and I felt like I didn't do my job in protecting you because I thought that Edward would do it right… I trusted that he would do it right. And he didn't. So just like I feel like I failed my sister, I felt like I failed you too."

I immediately turned to face him, and put both of my hands on either side of his face.

"You didn't fail me Emmett."

"But Bell—"

"No. Don't even say it. You didn't fail me. No one knew what Edward was going to do, so don't you dare think that you're putting the blame on yourself."

I looked deep into his topaz eyes, making sure he understood that he was not at fault. No one here was at fault, but me. I did this to myself.

"It's not your fault your brother did all this shit and it's not your fault that I didn't see things as they were. I should've been smarter and maybe did something different in my approach. You did what you had to do. You protected me as best as you could, just like you did with your sister. Just like I have some things to understand, you need to understand that you, Emmett, can't control everything. Some things are bound to happen. That's life, but just because one bad thing happened doesn't make you any less of a kick ass protector," I smiled.

He furrowed his brow and looked down briefly before catching my eyes again.

"You really think I'm kick ass?" A smile started to spread across his boyish features.

"You're a total BAMF, Emmett," I chuckled.

.

.

.

.

"Wait, what's a BAMF?" Awe, he was so adorable.

"Em, you're cute, you know that? BAMF stands for "badass mofo."

Wait for it…

It started out small, but soon enough his boisterous laugh filled the bathroom as it echoed all around me.

"Dude, that is so great! I have to tell Rose, Jazz, and Alice!"

I rolled my eyes. Of course Emmett would be the one to let that get to his head, but I'm glad he understands that he's not to blame.

"Alright you big goof, get up. I'm going to go get ready, and then you're going to take me to Jake's house right?"

"Yes ma'am," he winked.

_These damn Cullen boys, I swear._

After an hour and a half I see the worn out red house I've known since my childhood. And on the porch steps stood my best friend of seventeen years pacing as he anxiously waited for me to get out of the car.

"You ready?" Alice asked and I turned to face her.

I nodded and then scooted across the back seat to give her a hug.

I didn't know when the next time I would see her was.

"Thank you so much Ali," I whispered as I retracted back from our hug, a soft smile, playing on my mouth.

"Anytime, girl."

Looking at the passenger seat, I see Rose. She's facing me and even though she's controlling her features flawlessly, I know she's sad to see me leave as well.

I reach forward, placing my hand gently on her shoulder.

"I'm gonna miss you Rose."

And it was true. We may have had our ups and downs, but she played a big part of my life just like all the other Cullens did.

Her eyes never drifted as she kept looking forward out the windshield, but she nodded in acknowledgement.

Finally, I looked towards Emmett, who stood by my door, his one hand on my bags, his other hang out waiting for me to take it.

Smiling, I complied and placed my hand in his huge one and stepped out.

He quickly pulled me into a hug as he shut the car door.

"I'm gonna miss you Bells."

"Me too, Em, but like you said, it has to be done right?"

He nodded, his brow furrowed.

"You'll see me soon," I assured and he hesitantly smiled.

"I better."

Taking my bags from him, I pulled him into another hug and kissed his cheek.

"See ya around, big brother," I winked.

His smile grew huge as he nodded and then turned to climb back into the car.

I watched as the jeep reversed onto the road and it wasn't until they sped off that I looked at what was in front of me.

_God, how I missed you, Jake._

Jake wasn't pacing the porch, but he watched me, his brow furrowed, his eyes questioning.

I felt the traitorous tears prick at the corners of my eyes. Before I knew it, I had dropped my bag and I sprinted towards him. He did the same.

When I got to him, I instinctively jumped into his form and wrapped my arms tightly around his neck.

"Fuck, Jake I've missed you."

"Me too, Bells. Like you wouldn't imagine."

He put me down before taking one look at me, slightly grimacing when he saw the bandages covering my face. But when he saw my smile, the one that spread across his face was one that I wish I could see more often.

We have so much to talk about and he knows it too, but as for right now, I'm going to stay in this moment because it feels too good to mess up.

Slinging me into a one-shoulder hug, Jake picked up my bag and led me towards the front.

Fuck, it feels good to have my best friend back.


End file.
